The ladies of
Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost
Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
![The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week](https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5e18cbd2240000d6355a58b5.png?cache=dn14arBVAY&ops=crop_2_0_798_505,scalefit_630_noupscale)
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.me: i'm a very private personsomeone: hime: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the really dark stuff— ugly and sad ♡ 🅙 (@SpookyGothLoser) January 7, 2020again i feel compelled to ask if anyone knows what i am supposed to be doing with my life— Alexis “Bring Back Bunheads” Wilson (@sassyblackdiva) January 9, 2020Tfw your Piccadilly line service is haunted by a Victorian shoe shine boy pic.twitter.com/I4byLl8Fyi— Hannah J Davies (@hannahjdavies) January 9, 2020going over to my best friends house for dinner and asked if i could bring anything and she said “yeah dinner”— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) January 5, 2020someone explaining a new board game:it’s easy. you play blue cards unless it's round 5 then move 3 squares but back 2 if it's friday. your opponent is a big harp, unless you say "dolp!" then it's a big leaf. roll 6 dice, take the cube root—PLEASE wait till the end for questions— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 5, 2020seven year old me explaining to my mom why I need the 20 books I circled on the monthly scholastic book flyer pic.twitter.com/QUTzrvwCNz— jen ✨ (@cihrce) January 6, 2020some of you seem to do things on school nights, which is confusing to me— danielle weisberg the railway cat (@danielleweisber) January 9, 2020The person who invented salads' first thought had to have been "people don't have enough shit in their teeth."— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 10, 2020Interviewer: Why's there a 5-year gap in your resume?Me: I went through a whole click bait gallery— Hi, it's Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) January 10, 2020pushing my date back an hour so i can watch jeopardy— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) January 9, 2020Had a dream that the world was ending but I was really upset that I forgot my skincare at home as I was fleeing my house to take shelter. So my priorities seem to be the same so far this year.— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) January 4, 2020How I hurt myself:Age 5: Jumped off a swing.Age 21: Jumped off a bar table.Age 38: Sleeping. I literally hurt myself while I was sleeping.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 10, 2020No one ever writes a good sea shanty anymore.— Rad Tasia, Disappointing Parents Everywhere (@GroovyTasia) January 6, 2020I’m at the airport and someone in the shake shack line just asked “can I order a burger now?” It’s 6:58am. He is our king and the airport our castle— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) January 6, 2020“These are gonna change everything for me.” -me, 2002 pic.twitter.com/9fKjJeNgt0— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) January 10, 2020it’s crazy how much id walk outside if men weren’t— holmes holmes (@_holmes_holmes) January 9, 2020thinkin about how i got catfished on neopets by someone pretending to be hilary duff. humbling experience.— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) January 7, 2020no millennial has all five:1. Existential sense of purpose 2. Healthy boundaries 3. Good relationship with their parents4. A job that pays them what it should5. Ability to spell bananas without singing that Gwen Stefani song— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) January 9, 2020I love seeing people panic at karaoke when they realize how long & repetitive their song is. Will I be singing My Sharona forever?! Their eyes plead— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 7, 2020Travelling by plane - expensive- no leg room- only one specific destination Putting on a mouse costume and waiting for a hawk to pick you up- free- can swing your legs around as much as you want - could end up literally anywhere— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) January 9, 2020