January 13, 2020
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.me: i'm a very private personsomeone: hime: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the really dark stuff— ugly and sad ♡ 🅙 (@SpookyGothLoser) January 7, 2020again i feel compelled to ask if anyone knows what i am supposed to be doing with my life— Alexis “Bring Back Bunheads” Wilson (@sassyblackdiva) January 9, 2020Tfw your Piccadilly line service is haunted by a Victorian shoe shine boy pic.twitter.com/I4byLl8Fyi— Hannah J Davies (@hannahjdavies) January 9, 2020going over to my best friends house for dinner and asked if i could bring anything and she said “yeah dinner”— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) January 5, 2020someone explaining a new board game:it’s easy. you play blue cards unless it's round 5 then move 3 squares but back 2 if it's friday. your opponent is a big harp, unless you say "dolp!" then it's a big leaf. roll 6 dice, take the cube root—PLEASE wait till the end for questions— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 5, 2020seven year old me explaining to my mom why I need the 20 books I circled on the monthly scholastic book flyer pic.twitter.com/QUTzrvwCNz— jen ✨ (@cihrce) January 6, 2020some of you seem to do things on school nights, which is confusing to me— danielle weisberg the railway cat (@danielleweisber) January 9, 2020The person who invented salads' first thought had to have been "people don't have enough shit in their teeth."— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 10, 2020Interviewer: Why's there a 5-year gap in your resume?Me: I went through a whole click bait gallery— Hi, it's Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) January 10, 2020pushing my date back an hour so i can watch jeopardy— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) January 9, 2020Had a dream that the world was ending but I was really upset that I forgot my skincare at home as I was fleeing my house to take shelter. So my priorities seem to be the same so far this year.— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) January 4, 2020How I hurt myself:Age 5: Jumped off a swing.Age 21: Jumped off a bar table.Age 38: Sleeping. I literally hurt myself while I was sleeping.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 10, 2020No one ever writes a good sea shanty anymore.— Rad Tasia, Disappointing Parents Everywhere (@GroovyTasia) January 6, 2020I’m at the airport and someone in the shake shack line just asked “can I order a burger now?” It’s 6:58am. He is our king and the airport our castle— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) January 6, 2020“These are gonna change everything for me.” -me, 2002 pic.twitter.com/9fKjJeNgt0— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) January 10, 2020it’s crazy how much id walk outside if men weren’t— holmes holmes (@_holmes_holmes) January 9, 2020thinkin about how i got catfished on neopets by someone pretending to be hilary duff. humbling experience.— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) January 7, 2020no millennial has all five:1. Existential sense of purpose 2. Healthy boundaries 3. Good relationship with their parents4. A job that pays them what it should5. Ability to spell bananas without singing that Gwen Stefani song— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) January 9, 2020I love seeing people panic at karaoke when they realize how long & repetitive their song is. Will I be singing My Sharona forever?! Their eyes plead— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 7, 2020Travelling by plane - expensive- no leg room- only one specific destination Putting on a mouse costume and waiting for a hawk to pick you up- free- can swing your legs around as much as you want - could end up literally anywhere— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) January 9, 2020
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