It was while on air that Roman Kemp made the horrendous discovery that his best friend was gone forever. The former Capital FM presenter had noticed his pal and producer, Joe Lyons, didn't turn up for work on 4 August, 2020, and texted him from the studio saying 'Let me know you're ok' at 6.05am, thinking he had simply slept in. But as the morning went on, worry among staff progressed, with another producer going to check in on him at his home. While still doing the show, the executive producer broke the news to Roman: "He's in the house." Recalling his devastation, Roman, in
BBC documentary Our Silent Emergency, reflected: "I knew. I said, 'Is he gone?' She said, 'yeah, he's gone.'" Living just around the corner, Roman, who opened up with the Mirror about his recent exit from Capital FM - saying it was like "living that same day over and over again" following Joe's tragic death - explained he was just a few minutes away. Roman added: "It would have taken me three minutes to get there had I known something was happening. "Three minutes away from me, part of my world was completely ending." Roman admits he finds it confusing that he spent every day with Joe and did not see any signs he was contemplating taking his own life. Ekin-Su Culculoglu breaks silence with heartbreaking Big Brother confession as she makes 'fresh start' Roman Kemp was devastated when he found out his close friend Joe Lyons had died ( Image: Roman Kemp /Instagram) They first met eight years ago, clicking straight away as Joe made Roman feel welcome in his new
Job and they spent almost every day together ever since. The last time Roman saw Joe was on a sunny day on Clapham Common, one of the first days they were allowed out after the first lockdown. "The reality is at this point he would have been struggling with something. And that’s what’s so scary - you can’t see it," said Roman. "I had no idea he was struggling. It took all of our mates by surprise." Roman says it's not a coincidence that the
police found seven other men of Joe's age in the same situation on the day he was found. While speaking to some of his other
Friends, they all admit they regret not having deeper chats with happy-go-lucky Joe. While exploring why increasing numbers of young men are taking their own lives, Roman bravely opened up on his own suicidal thoughts. Roman with his best pal Joe ( Image: Instagram) Roman phoned mum Shirlie in his darkest moment In the documentary, Roman explained how he has been on antidepressants since he was 15. "They help my mood massively. They make me feel normal. They stop me from worrying about things in my head. That worry takes over sometimes and that’s when it gets too much for me." Roman was at his lowest a year before Joe died, with his suicidal thoughts partly fuelled by fear he had only found success on the radio because of his famous dad Martin Kemp. He explained: "I was caught out in my brain on everything. How I looked, what I was doing wrong work-wise, 'Am I doing my job because of who my dad is? Am I being a good boyfriend?'. "All these pressures just came on top of me. I remember being in the bedroom not knowing what to do. I went to the floor on my knees around my head and just crying, saying to myself, ‘What’s the point? Why am I carrying on?'" In tears, Roman called his mum, former Wham!
Singer Shirlie Kemp, who got straight in the car and made sure his sister Harley stayed on the phone. Shirlie has always made Roman talk to her about his feelings and took him to the doctors when she thought he was suffering, where he was diagnosed with clinical depression. "No parent wants to say my child is on anti-depressants. Maybe they feel guilty about even suggesting it," he said. While he’s always opened up to his mum, Roman had never previously explained how dark it really got. "I just remember feeling it was too much in my head. I know it’s really hard for me to tell you this," he told her on the show. "That day I thought about going to the train station and jumping in front of a train. I’m sorry I never told you that." Roman broke down in tears live on air last year over Joe's death ( Image: Twitter) To witness first-hand the scale of the nation’s mental health problem, Roman travelled across the
UK to meet teenage friendship groups who have been devastated by suicide, as well as frontline workers who respond to urgent mental health emergencies. Roman went to Nottingham, where the NHS had partnered with the police due to increasing demand to create a mental health emergency service. Calls came in via 999 from strangers, concerned loved ones or people themselves in crisis - with the youngest caller they have spoken to being just 11-years-old. Roman is shocked to discover that around 90% of the people the Nottingham team speak to who take their own lives are men. "It is so intense. I’ve been here for four hours and there’s a 13-year-old boy missing, we’re hearing from a 31-year-old man, 16-year-old boy," he explained. "There’s constantly someone they’re trying to rush to and help before it’s too late." Roman also travelled to Northern
Ireland, which has the highest suicide rates in the UK, where teenagers and young adults are twice as likely to take their own life here than in
England. Over a third of people who have lost someone to suicide have thought about taking their own life - and Roman firmly believes that suicide and mental health is something that needs to be destigmatised to stop other people suffering needlessly in silence. To better understand the stigma around getting help, Roman met Fergus, a young man who wanted to end his own life. During their chat, Roman explained that he still feels anger towards Joe for not speaking out. "I felt so angry that he didn’t call me. He just decided that was it and didn’t feel the need to at least let me know. I felt angry that someone had to find him in that position," he admitted. Fergus explained that he didn’t want to die but felt it would be the only way he could get "peace", and that he was helped by adopting a puppy. Roman confessed he found it quite cathartic speaking to Fergus because it stopped him feeling angry towards Joe. He explained: "It makes the situation sadder but it takes away the anger part for sure and hopefully he can forgive me for feeling like that." Roman also visits Joe's mum, who discusses the "creeping panic" of never being able to see her son or give him a hug again. The presenter wanted to make the documentary for someone struggling, but midway through realises that he should be targeting everyone. Roman decides to use his
Social Media following to make immediate interventions with groups of friends, by encouraging them to check in on their mates. "But now the onus has changed from someone having to talk about their own emotions to be the person who makes someone else talk because they need your help," he says. "They might be dying inside for someone to ask them how they are. Be that person." A version of this story was previously published on March 12, 2021. If you are struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operates a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org if you'd prefer to write down your feelings or don't wish to be overheard