January 13, 2020
In marriage, couples therapist Becky Whetstone likes to say there are two types of lies: misdemeanour lies are the equivalent of a parking ticket — maybe you lie and say you love going to your in-laws’ for the holidays, then sulk the whole time you’re there. Or maybe you neglect to tell your husband that you added your high school ex on social media. It’s not great, but it’s usually not grievous either. 
So You Lied To Your Partner. Now How Do You Tell Them?
Then there are felonies, Whetstone said. “Felonies are completely unacceptable acts hidden or denied that absolutely, positively will do damage to the relationship, such as cheating, verbal and emotional abuse and addictions,” the therapist explained.
The severity of a lie may be different, but the rationale for doing it tends to be the same, she said. 
“In both cases, it’s an attempt to maintain our reputation as being a good and honest person, or a certain kind of person that we’d like others to view us as, or to protect ourselves from the negative reaction of others,” she said. 
We know lying is damaging to our intimate relationships, but we’re all bound to do it at some point. Once we do tell a little white lie ― or a big, potentially destructive lie ― how do we tell our partners? Below, Whetstone and other therapists give their best advice. How To Admit You Told A Small LiePick the right time.
Timing is everything with this. If you know your spouse has a big work presentation the next day, table the talk. If they’re in the middle of cooking dinner, wait then, too. You want them to be in a relaxed and chilled-out mode, Whetstone said.
“Your first choice is not to spring it on your mate out of the blue, but to wait until the subject comes up organically,” she said. “For instance, your partner mentions shopping for new tires for his convertible and you confess in a light-hearted way that you replaced one of the tires yourself recently when you bumped a curb and blew out one of the old ones. Whoops.” 
Delivery matters. Don’t dump information, and don’t be overly dramatic.
Once you’ve decided to share, you’ll probably be in a rush to get it off your chest. But handle things with care. Simply blurting out the truth without any consideration of how it will impact your partner is a rookie mistake, said Kurt Smith, a therapist.“Take a few minutes to think ahead of time how you’ll phrase what you’re going to say so it’s received as best as possible,” he said. “Knowing your partner, how do you think they’ll take this news? Adjust your message and the timing of it accordingly.”
Also, don’t be overly dramatic if you’re truly dealing with a small-time lie. “Telling your partner you’ve got something you need to tell them or saying something like ‘We really need to talk’ can create an expectation that it’s going to be really bad,” Smith said. “They’ll better receive what you’re going to tell them if you deliver it more naturally. So share your lie as part of a conversation as opposed to the ‘big talk.’”
Actually apologise.
This one seems like a no-brainer but it’s amazing how often this step is overlooked, Smith said.
“If you’ve lied to or deceived your partner, then you should say, ‘I’m sorry’ and add a description to the end of it of why you’re sorry,” he said. “The humility and strength it takes to say these two words can go a long way in helping your partner hear and accept your confession.”How To Admit You Told A Big LieTreat it with the seriousness it deserves.
A big-time lie deserves big-time humility. While the goal with a smaller lie is to admit to it without overstating it, with a weightier lie, you shouldn’t minimise any of it. Characterise it as the big deal that it is, and be prepared for an intense reaction from your partner, Whetstone said.
“A stance of ownership and humility must be maintained, as any sort of defense will likely intensify the reaction of the other person and do more damage,” she said. “Treat it with seriousness, then dedicate yourself to transparency, change and redemption.” 
Use the Oreo method. 
When it comes to confessing a lie, no matter the severity, marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers is a big believer in the ‘Oreo’ method: You start with a chocolate cookie ― aka, something to soften the blow: “I love you and I’m telling you this because I want for us to have a strong, loving, honest relationship. I hate secrets and lies,” for instance. Then, get into the filling ― the admission of your lie, error, hurtful behaviour or guilt.
“Tell your partner what happened and why,” Meyers said. “At this point, spare your partner the gory details. Reactions and questions will come up later to be answered and dealt with.”
Close with another chocolate cookie, or positive remark or action.
“Start with love. Take responsibility for what you know is wrong.  Express regret and then express your desire to make things right,” she said. “Close with love. Say, ‘There is no excuse for my behaviour.  It is my fault. I want to focus on making our relationship stronger and better than ever.’” Don’t blame or deflect. 
When backed into a corner ― even if we’re there by our own doing― the natural response is to try to justify our behaviour. But in doing so, we often deflect blame. (“I cheated on you because you haven’t been emotionally available to me since we had the baby.”) Don’t do that, Smith said.
“It’s always helpful to give an explanation to help your partner make some sense of what you’re disclosing, just be sure not to blame them for it — even if they were an influence,” he said. “Fully own your behaviour, and your dishonesty is going to be better received.”
Have a game plan for after you divulge.
Your partner’s reaction to your admission may catch you by surprise. Plan for the best-case scenario and the worst one in the aftermath of this conversation, said Liz Higgins, an individual and couples therapist who works primarily with millennials. 
“Have concrete actions in mind that you can begin doing immediately that would show your partner you’re serious about making healthy changes [going] forward,” she said. “And recognise that, no matter what you decide to be proactive about, your partner is still entitled to their own emotions and decisions around what they need to do, too.”
Don’t feel like you have to go it alone, either. Consider looking up names of therapists in case you both decide you want professional help following the revelation, Higgins said.
“You’ll need to explore what led you to lie versus share the truth, and realise that this may be more about you than anything lacking in your relationship,” she said. “Therapy can help with this.”
Know that it will likely get better. 
This might feel like a low point in your relationship, but if the two of you commit to working through the issue, it can only get better from there. When we’re hiding something or outright lying, it inevitably affects our mood, behaviour and communication, Smith said.
When you rid yourself of the burden of a lie, it’s freeing ― you can be transparent and you again ― and positive for your relationship with your partner. Plus, he said, honesty builds intimacy.  “When we’re honest with our partner, it builds connection,” he said.“Our relationship is strengthened and deepened by being truthful as well as being real that we make mistakes and aren’t perfect.”Related... 20 Ways To Be A Happier Person In 2020, According To Therapists This Is What It's Like When Your Twin Comes Out As Trans My Dad Is Forgetting Who I Am
Latest News
Top news around the world
Coronavirus Disease

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus.

Most people infected with the COVID-19 virus will experience mild to moderate respiratory illness and recover without requiring special treatment. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic respiratory disease, and cancer are more likely to develop serious illness.

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Interim ‘Jeopardy!’ host Ken Jennings slammed for wheelchair tweet | Page Six Celebrity News
November 25, 2020
GF8JOA07ZpI
The one with the cast of 'Friends', then and now | Page Six Celebrity News
November 25, 2020
FLlqmbxCjnI
Bill Murray’s brother Ed, inspiration behind ‘Caddyshack,’ dies | Page Six Celebrity News
November 25, 2020
VEzPd5ot58g
Kamala Not a Shoo-In for 2024 with Black America, Tamika Mallory Says | TMZ
November 26, 2020
YLoz9LmkeJ8
Flaming Lips Singer Wayne Coyne Breaks Down Bubble Concerts, COVID-Safe Fun | TMZ
November 26, 2020
lp8BvtRXGvw
Donald Trump Hits Golf Ball in the Water And Screams, 'I Hate This F***ing Hole!!!' | TMZ
November 26, 2020
OR2kQEO5Fbk
7 Questions with 'Wild Irish Thyme' Star Jamie Dornan
November 25, 2020
bqZLJEd8Gxs
Why 'Selena' star Christian Serratos Chose to Lip-Sync Selena's Songs
November 25, 2020
FNz_Pal3qeo
'Time' Director Garrett Bradley on Covering Incarceration, Why Black Family Archives Are Important
November 27, 2020
m7j3n7dPFOI
Jake Paul's Wild Ride to the Boxing Ring - Exclusive | E! News
November 27, 2020
czrnU-Yw7_w
Why Ryan Reynolds Is Ultimate Dad Goals! | E! News
November 27, 2020
P8TQb5jPHPg
Matt James: Fun Facts About New "Bachelor" Star | E! News
November 26, 2020
af0K5AImuRg
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
28
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Elche - Cadiz
28
Nov
ASIAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group Stage
Yokohama F. Marinos - Shanghai SIPG
28
Nov
ASIAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group Stage
Vissel Kobe - Guangzhou Evergrande
27
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Brentford - QPR
27
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Crystal Palace - Newcastle United
27
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Valladolid - Levante
25
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Swansea City - Sheffield Wednesday
25
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Middlesbrough - Derby County
25
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Bristol City - Watford
25
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Coventry - Cardiff City
25
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Millwall - Reading
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
QPR - Rotherham
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Stoke City - Norwich City
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Bournemouth - Nottingham Forest
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Preston NE - Blackburn
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Luton - Birmingham
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Wycombe Wanderers - Huddersfield
24
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Barnsley - Brentford
23
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Wolves - Southampton
23
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Athletic Bilbao - Real Betis
23
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Burnley - Crystal Palace
22
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Napoli - AC Milan
22
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Liverpool - Leicester City
22
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Leeds - Arsenal
22
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Inter Milan - Torino
22
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Roma - Parma
22
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Koln - Union Berlin
22
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Alaves - Valencia
22
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Sheffield United - West Ham United
22
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Udinese - Genoa
22
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Granada CF - Real Valladolid
22
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Verona - Sassuolo
22
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Cadiz - Real Sociedad
22
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Sampdoria - Bologna
22
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
SC Freiburg - Mainz
22
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Eibar - Getafe
22
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Fulham - Everton
21
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Barcelona
21
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Tottenham Hotspur - Manchester City
21
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Hertha Berlin - Borussia Dortmund
21
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Bayern Munich - Werder Bremen
21
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Newcastle United - Chelsea
21
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Manchester United - West Bromwich Albion
21
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Juventus - Cagliari
21
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Villarreal - Real Madrid
17
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Spain - Germany
14
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Germany - Ukraine
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Arsenal - Aston Villa
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Valencia - Real Madrid
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
AC Milan - Verona
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Bologna - Napoli
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.