January 13, 2020
In marriage, couples therapist Becky Whetstone likes to say there are two types of lies: misdemeanour lies are the equivalent of a parking ticket — maybe you lie and say you love going to your in-laws’ for the holidays, then sulk the whole time you’re there. Or maybe you neglect to tell your husband that you added your high school ex on social media. It’s not great, but it’s usually not grievous either. 
So You Lied To Your Partner. Now How Do You Tell Them?
Then there are felonies, Whetstone said. “Felonies are completely unacceptable acts hidden or denied that absolutely, positively will do damage to the relationship, such as cheating, verbal and emotional abuse and addictions,” the therapist explained.
The severity of a lie may be different, but the rationale for doing it tends to be the same, she said. 
“In both cases, it’s an attempt to maintain our reputation as being a good and honest person, or a certain kind of person that we’d like others to view us as, or to protect ourselves from the negative reaction of others,” she said. 
We know lying is damaging to our intimate relationships, but we’re all bound to do it at some point. Once we do tell a little white lie ― or a big, potentially destructive lie ― how do we tell our partners? Below, Whetstone and other therapists give their best advice. How To Admit You Told A Small LiePick the right time.
Timing is everything with this. If you know your spouse has a big work presentation the next day, table the talk. If they’re in the middle of cooking dinner, wait then, too. You want them to be in a relaxed and chilled-out mode, Whetstone said.
“Your first choice is not to spring it on your mate out of the blue, but to wait until the subject comes up organically,” she said. “For instance, your partner mentions shopping for new tires for his convertible and you confess in a light-hearted way that you replaced one of the tires yourself recently when you bumped a curb and blew out one of the old ones. Whoops.” 
Delivery matters. Don’t dump information, and don’t be overly dramatic.
Once you’ve decided to share, you’ll probably be in a rush to get it off your chest. But handle things with care. Simply blurting out the truth without any consideration of how it will impact your partner is a rookie mistake, said Kurt Smith, a therapist.“Take a few minutes to think ahead of time how you’ll phrase what you’re going to say so it’s received as best as possible,” he said. “Knowing your partner, how do you think they’ll take this news? Adjust your message and the timing of it accordingly.”
Also, don’t be overly dramatic if you’re truly dealing with a small-time lie. “Telling your partner you’ve got something you need to tell them or saying something like ‘We really need to talk’ can create an expectation that it’s going to be really bad,” Smith said. “They’ll better receive what you’re going to tell them if you deliver it more naturally. So share your lie as part of a conversation as opposed to the ‘big talk.’”
Actually apologise.
This one seems like a no-brainer but it’s amazing how often this step is overlooked, Smith said.
“If you’ve lied to or deceived your partner, then you should say, ‘I’m sorry’ and add a description to the end of it of why you’re sorry,” he said. “The humility and strength it takes to say these two words can go a long way in helping your partner hear and accept your confession.”How To Admit You Told A Big LieTreat it with the seriousness it deserves.
A big-time lie deserves big-time humility. While the goal with a smaller lie is to admit to it without overstating it, with a weightier lie, you shouldn’t minimise any of it. Characterise it as the big deal that it is, and be prepared for an intense reaction from your partner, Whetstone said.
“A stance of ownership and humility must be maintained, as any sort of defense will likely intensify the reaction of the other person and do more damage,” she said. “Treat it with seriousness, then dedicate yourself to transparency, change and redemption.” 
Use the Oreo method. 
When it comes to confessing a lie, no matter the severity, marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers is a big believer in the ‘Oreo’ method: You start with a chocolate cookie ― aka, something to soften the blow: “I love you and I’m telling you this because I want for us to have a strong, loving, honest relationship. I hate secrets and lies,” for instance. Then, get into the filling ― the admission of your lie, error, hurtful behaviour or guilt.
“Tell your partner what happened and why,” Meyers said. “At this point, spare your partner the gory details. Reactions and questions will come up later to be answered and dealt with.”
Close with another chocolate cookie, or positive remark or action.
“Start with love. Take responsibility for what you know is wrong.  Express regret and then express your desire to make things right,” she said. “Close with love. Say, ‘There is no excuse for my behaviour.  It is my fault. I want to focus on making our relationship stronger and better than ever.’” Don’t blame or deflect. 
When backed into a corner ― even if we’re there by our own doing― the natural response is to try to justify our behaviour. But in doing so, we often deflect blame. (“I cheated on you because you haven’t been emotionally available to me since we had the baby.”) Don’t do that, Smith said.
“It’s always helpful to give an explanation to help your partner make some sense of what you’re disclosing, just be sure not to blame them for it — even if they were an influence,” he said. “Fully own your behaviour, and your dishonesty is going to be better received.”
Have a game plan for after you divulge.
Your partner’s reaction to your admission may catch you by surprise. Plan for the best-case scenario and the worst one in the aftermath of this conversation, said Liz Higgins, an individual and couples therapist who works primarily with millennials. 
“Have concrete actions in mind that you can begin doing immediately that would show your partner you’re serious about making healthy changes [going] forward,” she said. “And recognise that, no matter what you decide to be proactive about, your partner is still entitled to their own emotions and decisions around what they need to do, too.”
Don’t feel like you have to go it alone, either. Consider looking up names of therapists in case you both decide you want professional help following the revelation, Higgins said.
“You’ll need to explore what led you to lie versus share the truth, and realise that this may be more about you than anything lacking in your relationship,” she said. “Therapy can help with this.”
Know that it will likely get better. 
This might feel like a low point in your relationship, but if the two of you commit to working through the issue, it can only get better from there. When we’re hiding something or outright lying, it inevitably affects our mood, behaviour and communication, Smith said.
When you rid yourself of the burden of a lie, it’s freeing ― you can be transparent and you again ― and positive for your relationship with your partner. Plus, he said, honesty builds intimacy.  “When we’re honest with our partner, it builds connection,” he said.“Our relationship is strengthened and deepened by being truthful as well as being real that we make mistakes and aren’t perfect.”Related... 20 Ways To Be A Happier Person In 2020, According To Therapists This Is What It's Like When Your Twin Comes Out As Trans My Dad Is Forgetting Who I Am
Latest News
Top news around the world
Coronavirus Disease

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus.

Most people infected with the COVID-19 virus will experience mild to moderate respiratory illness and recover without requiring special treatment. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic respiratory disease, and cancer are more likely to develop serious illness.

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Travis Barker covers ex Shanna Moakler’s name with new tattoos | Page Six Celebrity News
October 25, 2021
HouPoNCNDEE
Tyler Cameron responds to fans who want him to date Kim Kardashian | Page Six Celebrity News
October 25, 2021
NyxVsR4bDMQ
Paulina Porizkova settles with Ric Ocasek estate: ‘I am gonna be fine’ | Page Six Celebrity News
October 25, 2021
IEuDeZwCYkg
Alec Baldwin 'Rust' Actor Says Camera Was Protected During Shooting, Not Actors | TMZ
October 26, 2021
bASh7PtfiPU
Laundrie Atty. Says Parents Don't Know Why He Ran or What's in His Journal | TMZ
October 26, 2021
Uvc7D9Oelxo
Rep. Nancy Mace Says Dr. Fauci, NIH Must Answer for Deadly Beagle Study | TMZ
October 26, 2021
6ZC9dc2nV7U
Issa Rae and Yvonne Orji Dish on Season 5 of ‘Insecure’
October 22, 2021
KA7ZEjY3rvk
Kristen Stewart Opens Up on 'Eternals' LGBTQ Inclusion, Ruby Rose Battles with WarnerBros | The Take
October 21, 2021
7d3MFpaP2L8
AT&T Stock Falls Following Q3 Earnings Results
October 21, 2021
LZNkmpoVefA
Marriage Addiction, Big Ed Returns & Mailman Affair
October 26, 2021
-ToLxI1zOmw
Meg's Delivery, Ciara's Dinner & "DWTS" Horror Night
October 26, 2021
0W5ayUWdjho
Drew Barrymore & Ex Tom Green Reunite for 1st Time in 20 Years | E! News
October 26, 2021
U7lM-EPB9UA
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
19
Nov
ASIAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group H
Sydney FC - Shanghai SIPG
17
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Spain - Germany
14
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Germany - Ukraine
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Manchester City - Liverpool
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Arsenal - Aston Villa
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Valencia - Real Madrid
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
AC Milan - Verona
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
West Bromwich Albion - Tottenham Hotspur
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Bologna - Napoli
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Genoa - Roma
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Atalanta - Inter Milan
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Lazio - Juventus
08
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Bayer Leverkusen - Borussia Monchengladbach
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Leicester City - Wolves
08
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Wolfsburg - Hoffenheim
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Valladolid - Athletic Bilbao
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Levante - Alaves
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Sociedad - Granada CF
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Torino - Crotone
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Getafe - Villarreal
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund - Bayern Munich
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Everton - Manchester United
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Chelsea - Sheffield United
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Cadiz
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Barcelona - Real Betis
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Augsburg - Hertha Berlin
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Stuttgart - Eintracht Frankfurt
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
RB Leipzig - SC Freiburg
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Rotherham - Preston NE
07
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Parma - Fiorentina
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Watford - Coventry
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Norwich City - Swansea City
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Blackburn - QPR
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Derby County - Barnsley
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Huddersfield - Luton
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Nottingham Forest - Wycombe Wanderers
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
West Ham United - Fulham
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Sheffield Wednesday - Millwall
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Brentford - Middlesbrough
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Birmingham - Bournemouth
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Sevilla - Osasuna
07
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Benevento - Spezia
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Crystal Palace - Leeds
04
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group G
Ferencvaros - Juventus
04
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group G
Barcelona - Dynamo K.
03
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group A
Salzburg - Bayern Munich
03
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group D
Atalanta - Liverpool
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.