January 22, 2020
In HuffPost Birth Diaries we hear the extraordinary stories of the everyday miracle of birth. This week, Ashley Buggee shares her story. If you’d like to share yours, email amy.packham@huffpost.com.Brian and I found out we were expecting our third baby on Christmas Day 2017. We’d been trying to conceive a child for nearly a year, but had suffered two devastating miscarriages. On Christmas morning though, it felt different. After opening presents with the kids I went upstairs and took a test just to see.
Birth Diaries: ‘My Husband Died When I Was 6 Months Pregnant’
It came back positive. Brian came upstairs shortly after and I told him I had one more present for him; I grabbed the positive test and showed it to him. We hugged, holding each other, daydreaming about our baby.  
I was six months pregnant when my husband passed away in a scuba diving accident. He was an officer in the US navy and we were living our dream life in Hawaii, 3,000 miles away from our friends and family.
We had a one- and three-year-old at home, and here we were, pregnant with our rainbow baby, when he died. Giving birth to her was the hardest and most rewarding experience of my entire life.Fast forward to June 2018. After Brian passed away, I’d made the decision to move off the island to live with his sister and her family. But within a week of arriving in Idaho, my body started to shut down. I wasn’t feeling well. The grief had caused me to lose my appetite, I couldn’t fall asleep without medication and even then my Fitbit was registering three hours max sleep a night.
I knew I had to get our daughter to at least 35 weeks to give her a fighting chance at avoiding NICU, but I could feel I wouldn’t be able to maintain the pregnancy for much longer.
At 34 weeks, I went into the hospital one evening for a test, thinking I’d be sent home to continue bed rest, but they found protein in my urine signifying my kidneys weren’t functioning properly. When they saw my high blood pressure, they told me I wouldn’t be going home until I had this baby.
I was terrified, but relieved. I knew my body couldn’t carry her any longer, and I was emotionally drained. After Brian’s death, my pregnancy was the last little thing I had feeling connected to him, like he might still come back to me. I wasn’t ready to start the next chapter of life raising this newborn baby who’d never meet her dad, along with her brother and sister – but I also couldn’t handle being pregnant with this baby anymore. It was such a mix of emotions.
Brian’s sister, Nikki, stayed with me, and we were moved into a room down the hall. I was hooked up on monitors and settled in for the evening, still not sure what the plan was. They gave me medicine to bring my blood pressure down and let me know it was going to be a waiting game.Related... How To Find Love After Loss –And Overcome Those Feelings Of Guilt It worsened throughout the day. I started to get nauseous and a few hours later, my blood pressure was back up, despite the medication. The doctor was back in our room within three minutes and said this was it – they were going to induce me. They wheeled my big belly and me into another room and I was given magnesium, as well as Pitocin to start the induction. I slept on and off through the night while Nikki rested (and snored) next to me. By early morning, my contractions were pretty steady and I was dilated 2cm.
The hospital offered complimentary acupuncture during labour, so I thought ‘what the heck’, but quickly regretted this decision as I sat through an hour of them sticking needles into my hands and feet and felt no different at the end of it. It did give Nikki and I a good laugh, though, so it was worth it for that alone. Having her there for me throughout is something I will forever cherish.I was dilated 4cm after that and ready for my epidural – which was a debacle, as they missed a few times and I nearly passed out. However, my doctor and nurse staff knew my circumstances and went out of their way to make me as comfortable as could be, ending up calling a co-worker who moved down my spine a couple of vertebrae and got it on his first try.Still, emotionally I was distraught. Even with the epidural in place, I had restless leg syndrome – a painful nuisance I couldn’t stop. And then I became nauseous again and couldn’t stop shaking. My sister-in-law held a green bag to my face and pushed the hair from my eyes as I was sick again and again.It wasn’t long later, perhaps 20 minutes, that I said to the nurse, “the baby is coming, not right this minute, but I can feel her moving down and she’s coming”. Sure enough I was 10cm dilated. Adeline was ready to be born.I held a photo of Brian in my hand, concentrating on his image and the love we had shared together as I was about to bring his daughter into the world.
Through excruciating tears I looked up at one point to see every single person in the room (my doctor, two nurses and Nikki) all in tears with me as they helped me through the delivery. I only pushed for maybe three or four minutes. Two big pushes and a half push and I was able to reach down and grab my daughter by her shoulders, pulling her the rest of the way out and up onto my chest. I held the scissors in my hand, then, and cut her umbilical cord as we both wept. 
Physically, it was the easiest labour and delivery I’ve been through, but it’s nearly impossible to separate the physical experience from the emotional experience of giving birth to Adeline – so connected in every way, but such different experiences. The birth was a special moment we were all a part of, welcoming this baby who had helped save me in more ways than one over the months prior – and who would now be the newest member of my family. 
Adeline Makai Bugge was born five weeks early on 31 July 2018. She weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces, perfectly healthy. My miracle. My birth advice?Enjoy and savour the experience as much as possible. These are once in a lifetime moments you’ll look back in forever, so focus on yourself and your baby.Follow Ashley’s journey on Facebook, Instagram, or on her blog. Related... What Does Childbirth Really Feel Like? 9 Mums Tell It Like It Is 'My 4-Year-Old Was The Best Birthing Partner I Could Have Had' 'I Sobbed Uncontrollably': 5 Dads On The Moment They Actually Bonded With Their Kids
Related Stories
Latest News
Top news around the world
Coronavirus Disease

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus.

Most people infected with the COVID-19 virus will experience mild to moderate respiratory illness and recover without requiring special treatment. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic respiratory disease, and cancer are more likely to develop serious illness.

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Kanye West Files to Trademark 'Ye' COVID Masks | TMZ TV
October 20, 2021
O6pK23sbf1A
Kourtney Kardashian & Travis Barker Seen for First Time Since Engagement | TMZ Live
October 20, 2021
Srv2b3a71sc
Jamie Lynn Spears Gets Shut Down...Hard! | The TMZ Podcast
October 20, 2021
PTN4s8kiFFg
The 2021 Gotham Awards - Nominations Announcement - Live Stream
October 21, 2021
A3dtwDaWsDI
Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Richard Madden, Gemma Chan and the cast of ‘Eternals’ on the Red Carpet
October 20, 2021
NgAEe4_lJJ4
Byron Allen - Hollywood Walk of Fame Ceremony - Live Stream
October 20, 2021
W8AicWY6aIA
Cynthia Bailey felt ‘disrespected’ by cast member on ‘Ultimate Girls Trip’ | Page Six
October 21, 2021
37UbMHDvU1E
Paris Jackson goes topless for full moon ritual with friends | Page Six
October 21, 2021
LPKA5No8gk0
Lisa Rinna on Amelia Gray Hamlin’s breakup with Scott Disick | Page Six Celebrity News
October 21, 2021
UiYDHoEgb68
Penn Badgley & Cardi B Are the Celebrity Friends We Needed | E! News
October 21, 2021
EQ1vj7TG5aE
Kourtney Kardashian Supports Travis Barker at Machine Gun Kelly Concert | E! News
October 21, 2021
3FhZ_XsSrNw
Scott Disick Hangs With Son Reign Amid Kourtney's Engagement | E! News
October 21, 2021
QrEn-tJDbkw
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
19
Nov
ASIAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group H
Sydney FC - Shanghai SIPG
17
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Spain - Germany
14
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Germany - Ukraine
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Manchester City - Liverpool
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Arsenal - Aston Villa
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Valencia - Real Madrid
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
AC Milan - Verona
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
West Bromwich Albion - Tottenham Hotspur
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Bologna - Napoli
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Genoa - Roma
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Atalanta - Inter Milan
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Lazio - Juventus
08
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Bayer Leverkusen - Borussia Monchengladbach
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Leicester City - Wolves
08
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Wolfsburg - Hoffenheim
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Valladolid - Athletic Bilbao
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Levante - Alaves
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Sociedad - Granada CF
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Torino - Crotone
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Getafe - Villarreal
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund - Bayern Munich
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Everton - Manchester United
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Chelsea - Sheffield United
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Cadiz
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Barcelona - Real Betis
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Augsburg - Hertha Berlin
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Stuttgart - Eintracht Frankfurt
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
RB Leipzig - SC Freiburg
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Rotherham - Preston NE
07
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Parma - Fiorentina
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Watford - Coventry
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Norwich City - Swansea City
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Blackburn - QPR
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Derby County - Barnsley
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Huddersfield - Luton
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Nottingham Forest - Wycombe Wanderers
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
West Ham United - Fulham
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Sheffield Wednesday - Millwall
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Brentford - Middlesbrough
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Birmingham - Bournemouth
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Sevilla - Osasuna
07
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Benevento - Spezia
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Crystal Palace - Leeds
04
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group G
Ferencvaros - Juventus
04
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group G
Barcelona - Dynamo K.
03
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group A
Salzburg - Bayern Munich
03
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group D
Atalanta - Liverpool
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.