December 23, 2019
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.
The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!Keeping the magic in Christmas by yelling DON’T OPEN THE AMAZON BOXES from the other room.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 19, 2019No one:3: mummy always burns our food— MumInBitsmas (@MumInBits) December 18, 2019Dear SantaCan you bring my kids some reasonable expectations this year?Thanks— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 17, 20193: MOMMYMe: *walks in immediately*3: Finally, I’ve been waiting for you a thousand years!— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 18, 2019My kids are the reason I breathe; they’re also the reason I swear, cry, yell, and eat waaay more carbs than I probably should.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 19, 2019Me: Stop fighting.7-year-old: We're not fighting.Me: Then what are you doing?7: Talking loudly about horses.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2019Me, calling for my toddler:Me, calling the older kid: *Toddler comes running*— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) December 18, 2019My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 19, 20193: Dick mint! Dick mint!My mom: um...what?!?3: DICK MINT!Me: *sigh* I taught her the word “predicament”. I’m so sorry.— Marissa 🎄♥️❄️ (@michimama75) December 17, 2019"Skye is a Labradoodle.""No, she's a Cockapoo."-My wife and I arguing about "Paw Patrol," proving that children do indeed kill the romance.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 19, 2019Motherhood fills your life with such joy and at the same time makes it so dull that you now look forward to things like having a Diet Coke.— The Vagina Diary (@thevaginadiary) December 15, 20194yo with a toy: "This toy is old so it's broken. We need to throw it out."Me: "It's not broken."4yo: "But it's old. When things get old you have to throw them out."Me: "You told me the other day I was old."4yo: *looks me up and down* "Mmm hmm..."— 🎄 Stay at Homies 🎄 (@stayathomies) December 16, 2019If you’re helping your kid with their math homework and you both get the same answer but they tell you that you did it wrong just throw the whole damn kid away.— Crockett™️ (@CrockettForReal) December 19, 2019my 6 y/o just saw this pic as I was scrolling and said look it's the new Star Wars! pic.twitter.com/2h8eOpp32T— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 18, 2019I love that thing I do where I get frustrated at my kids for whining about stupid stuff and yet here I am crying cause I’m out of my creamer.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 17, 2019Move out of the way, I have to pee so bad it’s SHAKING MY BONES. -my son this morning— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) December 19, 20198: I don’t want to have bunk beds anymore. Me: Why not?8: What if my brother falls through & crushes me while I’m sleeping?Me: That won’t happen.8: Are you sure? He’s one real heavy son of a bleep!— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 19, 2019Christmas prep is like college finals week: late nights, massive carb consumption, & the panic of knowing I should have started much sooner.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 19, 2019
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