Living in an ageing population means many of us will become unpaid carers for a relative during our lifetime. However, women are disproportionately taking the reins. Half of
Women will be a carer by the age of 46, according to new research.
The study, conducted by the universities of Sheffield and Birmingham alongside Carers UK, reveals the average person has a 50:50 chance of caring by 50 – long before they reach retirement age. But on average, women can expect to take on caring responsibilities over a decade earlier than men.
Not only that but with women increasingly having children later in life, they often end up caring down and caring up – looking after children as well as elderly parents or relatives, or partners who’ve experienced ill health.
Emma Lowndes, 53, from Buckinghamshire, has first-hand experience of this. She began caring for her mother-in-law, Marj, around eight years ago, when her son was just eight years old.
Marj, who has mixed vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, was able to live independently at first, but as her disease deteriorated, it was clear she would need more support, so she moved in with the family.
“You sort of just slip into it, because it feels like the right thing to do if your family member says they want to stay at home and not go into a residential home,” Lowndes tells HuffPost UK. “But however much you love someone, it’s relentless.” Lowndes and her husband shared the caring as much as possible at the start, but as Marj began to require more personal care, such as washing and dressing, it became “a little more awkward” – so Lowndes took the helm.
She recalls trying to be “superwoman” and didn’t talk to anyone at work, or at all, about her caring role for six years.
Eventually, she chose to leave her role at a corporate automotive company in favour of being self-employed. At the time, it made more sense career-wise for her to make the jump, rather than her husband, she says.
The Carers
UK research estimates around 600 people a day give up paid workto care, but Lowndes says: “I need to work and I want to work.” However, she has only been able to continue in her job because Marj had some savings, which allows the family to pay for private careers to pop in during the day when Lowndes is out. Caring is still a “24/7 responsibility”, she says.
“Even if I’m out at work, if Marj is having some form of difficulty, the carers call me and I’ll need to make sure I can either get back there or I can be on the phone helping to support her.”
This is on top of looking after her now 16-year-old son, driving him to
music lessons, helping to manage exam stress and simply trying to be a regular mum. “I’ll postpone going to the doctors if I’m too busy, and I know that’s not right,” she admits. Related... What Is Alzheimer's Disease? Symptoms, Diagnosis And Treatment Explained Lowndes feels extremely fortunate to have the support of private carers. “What if you’re a single parent or someone holding down two or three jobs?” she says.
Separate research by Carers UK reveals significant consequences for carers coping without support. In a study of those caring more than 50 hours a week, almost half (49%) reported their finances had been negatively impacted, 52% had suffered poorer physical health and the vast majority (77%) were suffering from stress or anxiety as a result of missing out.
Helen Walker, chief executive of Carers UK, wants to highlight what she calls the ‘gender care gap’. Women are disproportionately affected, she says, “facing difficult decisions about their loved ones’ health, family finances and how best to combine paid work and care more than a decade earlier than men”.
Walker wants the next government to address the gap by giving carers a right of five to 10 days of paid care leave. “It must also prioritise sustainable, long term investment in our social care system so that millions of people caring for loved ones can stay in work and look after their own health,” she said.READ MORE: I'm A 'Death Doula' – And It's Totally Changed The Way I See Life I Care For My Daughter 24 Hours A Day - But People Like Me Are Receiving Woefully Inadequate Support We Were Mothers When We Had Abortions – These Are Our Stories