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![The Fiver | Starting a fight with a clock if they dont like the look on its face](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/cf96232f5f658146f6db9fc4f285b0c7bf3d9657/0_194_3355_2013/master/3355.jpg?width=1200&height=630&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&overlay-align=bottom%2Cleft&overlay-width=100p&overlay-base64=L2ltZy9zdGF0aWMvb3ZlcmxheXMvdGctZGVmYXVsdC5wbmc&enable=upscale&s=9610b29fd438244a7e0ae63a694c22d8)
Try talking to Weird Uncle Fiver about the latest goings-on in La Liga and he’ll tell you to get a grip, oblivious to the fact that your right hand already has a firm hold of yourself. He, you see, is very much of the view that only pretentious wonks take an interest in Iberian football, especially at a time when there are so many intriguing matters to resolve in good old
England, such as the progress of
Arsenal under their dashing young manager, Manchester United’s £50m acquisition of a midfielder who can run and shoot, and Tottenham’s ongoing pursuit of someone called Willian José to keep warm the throne of Harry Kane MBE.