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Newcastle United are going to win the FA Cup for the first time since 1955, The Fiver really is beginning to believe it. Partly because they nearly fell at the first hurdle against Rochdale the other weekend, the perfect sliding-doors start to a Cup fairytale. Partly because Joelinton is now the sort of goalscoring machine that puts the likes of Malcolm McDonald, Kevin Keegan, Peter Beardsley, Andy Cole, Les Ferdinand and Alan Shearer (combined major honours with the Toon: 0) to shame. But mainly because, when Newcastle finally win something again, which most mathematical models suggest they probably will at some point in the next few centuries, they’ll be managed not by a messianic bleeds-black-and-white Keeg/Bobby/Rafa-style crowd favourite, but an underwhelming and unpopular former Sunderland boss instead. The story, eight decades in the making and counting, is just bound to end that way. Bernard Cribbins, ladies and gentlemen.