August 07, 2020
Listen to our weekly podcast Am I Making You Uncomfortable? about women’s health, bodies and private lives. Available on Spotify, Apple, Audioboom and wherever you listen to your podcasts.
20 Things To Ask Your Partner Before Marriage
Debt, children, and cheating: those are three of the topics you should discuss with your partner before getting married, according to a thread that’s gone viral on Twitter, with more than 220,000 likes. 
The thread was written by a 21-year-old who is Afghan-American and based in California, inspired by her own experience. The woman, who uses the Twitter handle @cxkenobxkerry, was engaged aged 19, but the relationship ended before the wedding. She “learned a lot of lessons the hard way”. DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE: a thread— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020“Had I taken these 20 questions far more seriously, before entering the engagement period, it would have saved a lot of heartache for everybody involved,” the woman, who chose not to share her real name, tells HuffPost UK. “I see the thread as a personal learning curve and shared the points with the world, in the hope others could learn from it.”
She didn’t expect the thread to go viral and adds that there’s “no rulebook on marriage”, but hopes spreading a little wisdom may be useful in some way.  20 Things To Ask Your Partner Before MarriageHere are the 20 talking points she believes couples should discuss. They won’t apply for all marriages, particularly the notes on gender roles for same-sex couples, but there’s sure to be something in there everyone can relate to: 1. Talk about debt. 
2. Fully and willingly commit to one another. No ‘I’m not sure’ and ‘what ifs’ and ‘it’s not the right time.’ You are either in or you’re out. 
3. When/how many kids y’all want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc.)
4. Talk about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.
5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? 
6. Levels of religiosity. Openness to growth? Lack thereof? Do you share fundamental core beliefs about life? Very important.
7. Anger managements issues: do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, because it will destruct you and the future and the children.
8. Energy. Does it match? You decide. Follow your gut.
9. Clothing: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually add up. Make sure your expectations match one another to full comfort.
10. Sexual compatibility. Not going to go into details, but y’all need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc… figure it out.
11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age?
12. Age doesn’t matter too much. In my experience it’s about the person and what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It’s called respect.
13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal and trust should be there, but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know.
14. Social media: believe it or not, people will break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you’ll be clowning on one another.
15. I mentioned this before, but savings. How much do y’all have earned and combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Speak futuristically if it’s not something you can afford right now. Get on the same page.
16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks. 
17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.
18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralysed? Godparents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.
19. Importantly, love is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you’ll be fine. 
20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, Job level and all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.Commenting on the thread, therapist Lucy Fuller, who offers couples counselling, says most people decide to get married when they’ve been in a relationship for quite some time, “so they can confidently say they know each other really well”.
“Getting married is usually about getting to that point in life when you feel as though you’re in a loving and trusting relationship and you want to settle down,” she tells HuffPost UK. “In fact, this should be what getting married is about – giving in to that warm fuzzy feeling that you get from being with your partner. If you have any doubts about your partner, then listen to your gut feeling. If it doesn’t feel quite right then it probably isn’t right.” 
She adds that getting married doesn’t mean a relationship will necessarily last for ever – even if you ask the questions above. “People and circumstances can change but if it right for you both, right now, and something you both very much want to do, then this is what should help you make the decision,” she  says. 
Many of the ideas in the thread were echoed by marriage therapists and relationship psychologists when HuffPost asked them what couples should discuss to help “divorce-proof” their marriage.  Ryan Howes, a psychologist in California, added that it’s important to discuss the need for personal space. “Discuss your need for time alone, or apart from one another,” he said. “People often overlook this topic initially but after the intense bonding of the early stages, one or both of them may want a bit of time to themselves, or time apart as they go out with Friends.
“If this isn’t discussed beforehand, one partner may feel ditched or jealous, or one of them could begin to feel suffocated and start building resentments.”
Megan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist, said it’s not only important to talk about if you want kids, but also how you’ll raise them. “I see couples getting into power struggles a lot about raising kids ‘their way’ because they believe it’s the ‘right way’ with complete disregard for their partner’s preference and perspective,” she said.
“Having parents on the same team (knowing that it often takes work to get there) is imperative to the mental health and wellbeing of children.”
And finally, while a relationship might seem glorious in the engagement stage, it’s important to discuss how you’ll manage when challenges are thrown your way. “You both need to know that your partner will do whatever is necessary to deal with future obstacles in the relationship, be it physical, emotional, mental or financial,” said Becky Whetstone, a marriage family therapist in Arkansas.
“If the marriage falters, will you go to counselling with me and stick with it to work it out? We all need to know that our partner is action-oriented as opposed to being a person who sweeps things under the rug or just says, ‘This is me, deal with it.’”READ MORE: Holiday Romance Is Nothing If Not Random. These 6 Stories Prove It 'Happy, Loved, Free': How We Make Our Open Relationships Work 7 Women On Their Most Memorable Orgasm: 'An Absolute Mind-Bending Sensation'
Related Stories
Latest News
Top news around the world
Coronavirus Disease

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus.

Most people infected with the COVID-19 virus will experience mild to moderate respiratory illness and recover without requiring special treatment. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic respiratory disease, and cancer are more likely to develop serious illness.

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Ruth Bader Ginsburg Dead at 87
September 18, 2020
xs9LbpB9J0s
'Concrete Cowboy' Stars Idris Elba, Caleb McLaughlin on Building Their Father-Son Bond
September 17, 2020
r7YuD8Utn-4
Television Humanitarian Awards Virtual Gala - The Creative Coalition
September 16, 2020
wSGcqa7Jvus
Cardi B Reveals Real Reason She Filed for Divorce From Offset
September 19, 2020
dlhBFslSFGQ
Emmys 2020 Winner Predictions
September 19, 2020
MAsymHCusXo
Get Zendaya's Virtual Red Carpet Look With Law Roach
September 19, 2020
x6YLz-RMmGM
AJ McLean says Kanye West Peeing on Grammy is Disrespectful | TMZ
September 19, 2020
RaO-9QY69FI
Trump Star Vandal James Otis Drops Anti-Trump Flyers from Empire State Building
September 17, 2020
C1oQ7xzFFeI
Kroy Biermann Claps Back at Trolls Over Pic of Brielle Sitting On His Lap | TMZ
September 17, 2020
OUieGQfmR8w
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston get flirty during ‘Fast Times’ read | Page Six Celebrity News
September 18, 2020
9zVukSXgXx8
‘Cheer’ coach Monica Aldama breaks silence on Jerry Harris’ arrest | Page Six Celebrity News
September 18, 2020
ic8vKVuiAqY
Euphoria cast lights up the red carpet | Page Six Celebrity News
September 18, 2020
EGgz-2keTXw
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
20
Sep
ITALY: Serie A
Parma - Napoli
20
Sep
POLAND: Ekstraklasa
Lech - Warta Poznan
20
Sep
PORTUGAL: Primeira Liga
Moreirense - SC Farense
20
Sep
ROMANIA: Liga 2
Viitorul Targu Jiu - U Craiova 1948
20
Sep
SWITZERLAND: Super League
St. Gallen - Sion
20
Sep
SWITZERLAND: Super League
Lausanne - Servette
20
Sep
SWITZERLAND: Super League
Basel - Vaduz
20
Sep
ASIAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group Stage
Padideh Khorasan - Al Hilal Riyadh
20
Sep
LATVIA: Virsliga
FS Metta LU - Spartaks
20
Sep
SERBIA: Super Liga
Rad - Javor
20
Sep
RUSSIA: Premier League
Rubin - Spartak
20
Sep
PORTUGAL: Primeira Liga
Santa Clara - Maritimo
20
Sep
AZERBAIJAN: Premier League
Zira - Sabah FK
20
Sep
BELARUS: Premier League
Isloch - Dinamo Minsk
20
Sep
UZBEKISTAN: PFL
Navbahor Namangan - Andijon FK
20
Sep
SCOTLAND: Premier League
Hibernian - Rangers
20
Sep
UKRAINE: Premier League
Zorya - Shakhtar D
20
Sep
LATVIA: Virsliga
Daugava D - Liepaja
20
Sep
ITALY: Serie A
Genoa - Crotone
20
Sep
POLAND: Ekstraklasa
Zaglebie L - Cracovia
20
Sep
ESTONIA: Meistriliiga
Levadia T - Nomme Kalju
20
Sep
UZBEKISTAN: PFL
Buxoro - Lokomotiv Tashkent
20
Sep
RUSSIA: Premier League
Arsenal T - Sochi
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 3
Ryazan - Metallurg L.
20
Sep
RUSSIA: Premier League
Ufa - CSKA
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 1
Chernomorets - Spartak Nalchik
20
Sep
JAPAN: J-League
F.C.Tokyo - Vegalta Sendai
20
Sep
KAZAKHSTAN: Premier League
Kaisar - Ordabasy
20
Sep
SWEDEN: Allsvenskan
AIK - Hammarby
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 1
Yessentuki - Dinamo Stavropol
20
Sep
BELARUS: Premier League
Slavia-Mozyr - Shakhtyor Soligorsk
20
Sep
JAPAN: J-League
Urawa Red Diamonds - Kawasaki Frontale
20
Sep
ROMANIA: Liga 1
FC Botosani - Academica Clinceni
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 1
Kuban Holding - Makhachkala
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 1
Druzhba Maykop - Mashuk-KMV
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 4
Volga Ulyanovsk - Nosta
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 4
FK Volna - Orenburg-2
20
Sep
JAPAN: J-League
Oita Trinita - Yokohama FC
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 1
Legion Dynamo - Inter Cherkessk
20
Sep
POLAND: I Liga
Korona - Gornik Leczna
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 4
Tyumen - Chelyabinsk
20
Sep
BELARUS: Premier League
Slutsk - BATE
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 3
Sokol - Avangard
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 3
Khimik Novomoskovsk - FK Strogino
20
Sep
KAZAKHSTAN: Premier League
Astana - Shakhter Karaganda
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 4
Lada - Kr. Sovetov-2
20
Sep
SPAIN: Segunda Division
Lugo - Leganes
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 2
Znamia Truda - Luki-Energia
20
Sep
CHINESE TAIPEI: Premier League
Taipower - Ming Chuan University
20
Sep
CHINESE TAIPEI: Premier League
Taichung Futuro - Tatung
20
Sep
CHINESE TAIPEI: Premier League
Tainan City - Taipei Red Lions
20
Sep
CHINESE TAIPEI: Premier League
Hang Yuen - NTUPES
19
Sep
ENGLAND: Premier League
Arsenal - West Ham United
19
Sep
ITALY: Serie A
Verona - Roma
19
Sep
ENGLAND: Premier League
Manchester United - Crystal Palace
20
Sep
KOREA REPUBLIC: K-League 1
Pohang Steelers - Sangju Sangmu
20
Sep
KOREA REPUBLIC: K-League 1
Gangwon FC - Suwon Bluewings
20
Sep
KOREA REPUBLIC: K-League 1
FC Seoul - Daegu FC
20
Sep
KOREA REPUBLIC: K-League 1
Jeonbuk Motors - Busan I Park
20
Sep
KOREA REPUBLIC: K-League 1
Seongnam - Gwangju Sangmu
20
Sep
KOREA REPUBLIC: K-League 1
Incheon United - Ulsan
20
Sep
RUSSIA: PFL, Group 3
FC Sakhalin - Fakel-2
20
Sep
AUSTRALIA: NPL Capital Territory, Relegation group
Tuggeranong United - Woden Weston
17
Sep
EUROPA LEAGUE: Second qualifying round
Lokomotiv Plovdiv - Tottenham Hotspur
17
Sep
EUROPA LEAGUE: Second qualifying round
Shamrock - AC Milan
16
Sep
FRANCE: Ligue 1
PSG - Metz
16
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Barcelona - Girona
15
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Inter Milan - Lugano
14
Sep
ENGLAND: Premier League
Brighton - Chelsea
14
Sep
GERMANY: National cup
Duisburg - Borussia Dortmund
13
Sep
ENGLAND: Premier League
Tottenham Hotspur - Everton
13
Sep
FRANCE: Ligue 1
PSG - Marseille
13
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Juventus - Novara
12
Sep
ENGLAND: Premier League
Liverpool - Leeds
12
Sep
ENGLAND: Premier League
Fulham - Arsenal
10
Sep
FRANCE: Ligue 1
Lens - PSG
09
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Frosinone - Roma
09
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
AC Milan - Vicenza
07
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Borussia Dortmund - Sparta Rotterdam
06
Sep
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Switzerland - Germany
05
Sep
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Sweden - France
05
Sep
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Iceland - England
05
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
AC Milan - Monza
05
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Roma - Sambenedettese
05
Sep
INTERNATIONAL: Club Friendlies
Watford - Tottenham Hotspur
03
Sep
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Germany - Spain
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k tudKp5Vhs3k iwWHibhssSo
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.