"We've now surpassed 1 million
Coronavirus cases and 60,000 deaths in the span of about two months,"
Seth Meyers noted on Thursday's
Late Night. "That's a staggering, heartbreaking number. Or, as
Donald Trump put it at the end of his press conference on Monday:
Job well done!" In reality, he said, thanks to Trump's inaction, "the country is broken down into districts, we're facing meat shortages, and the Postal Service is warning it could collapse — we're like a week away from Trump announcing the first annual Hunger Games."It isn't just Trump doing the happy talk.
Jared Kushner called the federal response a "success story" on Wednesday, then chided "the eternal lockdown crowd" making "jokes on late-night television." Meyers thanked Kushner for watching and assured him late-night hosts just want "a plan for reopening things safely. You think I don't want things to open up? I used to do a show with multiple shirts and zero wasps! I worked in a building that had 50 lunch options!"
Trump is letting his social distancing guidance expire Friday,
Stephen Colbert said on The
Late Show. But he "doesn't want everything to go back to normal because we're ready for it to go back to normal. He wants everything to go back to normal because he's bored" and misses his rallies.Meanwhile, "multiple polls show Donald Trump is trailing
Joe Biden in swing states," Colbert said, "but in an interview, Trump said, 'I don't believe the polls. ... I believe the people of this country are smart. And I don't think that they will put in a man who's incompetent.' You're right: the people of this country wouldn't; the Electoral College, on the other hand, they're fine with it."
Trump was actually "so upset about his poll numbers last week, he threatened to sue his campaign manager,"
Jimmy Kimmel laughed. Trump keeps "saying everything is great while simultaneously blaming everyone who isn't him for why it's all so terrible." For example, he said, "Trump keeps complaining that his administration inherited bad tests, which makes no sense because, well, No. 1, you can't have a test for a virus before the virus exists, and No. 2, he's in no position to be complaining about inheriting anything.""Despite all that," Kimmel said, "the president is optimistic about the prospect of getting this country open for business very soon."
The Daily Show laid out Trump's four-step plan. Watch below.