February 01, 2020
When I became a mother, I gained a love I’d never known the likes of before – but I also lost myself. 
I Felt Lost In Motherhood. Here’s How I Reclaimed My Identity
At the time, I didn’t realise it was happening. I simply didn’t have time to. I was consumed with the humdrum routine of washing and feeding and doing the school and nursery run; to dealing with the physical, emotional and mental effects of a long-term lack of sleep. Parenting is hard, we all know that. I accepted it as my lot, and buried the growing feeling that I wasn’t entirely happy.
After all, it’s hard to focus on yourself at all when you have young children to look after. There are scraped knees to kiss, ‘booboos’ to affix plasters to, squabbles to intervene in – and the ongoing struggle to manage an effective work-life balance. There’s also the pressure of maintaining relationships with your partner, parents, siblings and friends. Related... If We Stopped Sugarcoating The Truth About Parenting, Maybe We'd All Feel Less Alone Becoming a mother or father comes hand-in-hand with a sudden, devastating lack of time to yourself; when even being able to go to the toilet in peace without a small human wanting to come with you feels like a luxury you only distantly remember. 
It’s not that I’d swap my life with two small and incredible children, not at all. I’m truly fortunate to experience being a mother – being their mother. But ask any parent the truth about how they feel about themselves, and chances are they might admit to feeling a little... lost. 
What I’m talking about is a ‘sense of self’, a sense of identity. The understanding and appreciation that you’re still the person you were before you had kids, however buried that person is beneath nursery rhymes, piles of washing and leftover fish fingers. 
So I started thinking about how to change the way I felt, how to reclaim myself and my body, now that it was no longer carrying or breastfeeding small babies. One of the ways I got ‘myself’ back was by having tattoos – acknowledging its years of service, applauding it for pushing out two 8lbs babies on gas and air alone. 
But the method that felt even more appropriate to me was to change my name by deed poll. I started thinking about how to change the way I felt, how to reclaim myself and my body, now that it was no longer carrying babies.When I got married 10 years ago I took my husband’s last name, but my views on that particular cultural tradition have changed and polarised. While I respect those who choose to do so, I wouldn’t make the same decision for myself today. 
I’ve always worked using my maiden name anyway, with my married name reserved only for my passport, bank cards and GP appointments. My kids already assumed I had a different last name – so I didn’t need to explain it to them – and my husband had no issue with me doing something he knew would make me feel more fulfilled.
I thought about it carefully for a year, or longer, before I went ahead with it. I researched a lot – there are many services available online – but I eventually used the official Government ‘enrolled’ deed poll service. I paid £36, asked a good friend to be a witness, had my documents verified by a solicitor for a fiver, then applied to the Royal Courts of Justice to make it official. A few weeks later, my certificate came back – along with official notification in The Gazette.
Not everyone will understand my decision (particularly older members of my family), and I know I might encounter issues if I want to travel alone with my children – if you have a different last name, you may have to carry their birth certificate – but it still feels worth it. My sense of identity was so strongly tied to the name I used for 28 years before becoming a wife and a mother, that I had to ‘reclaim’ it too. 
And I couldn’t be happier. I will always be a mother, but I’m also myself again. At last. Related... Black And Brown Mums Like Me Are Judged Differently. Here's How I Know I’m An Introvert, But Here’s Why I Gave In And Made ‘Mum Friends’ 'I Didn't Want To Start Over': Mothers Who Had Abortions Share Their Stories
Latest News
Top news around the world
Coronavirus Disease

Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus.

Most people infected with the COVID-19 virus will experience mild to moderate respiratory illness and recover without requiring special treatment. Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic respiratory disease, and cancer are more likely to develop serious illness.

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Sexual assault lawsuit against Kevin Spacey set to be dismissed | Page Six Celebrity News
May 14, 2021
XsUgmiSAT34
Jennifer Lawrence freaks out over Jennifer Lopez-Ben Affleck reunion | Page Six Celebrity News
May 14, 2021
J7JocMfYXiw
Prince Harry slams Joe Rogan over vaccination remarks | Page Six Celebrity News
May 14, 2021
Mj3yqnp1GaE
Yara Shahidi on Playing Tinker Bell and the Legacy of 'Black-ish'
May 16, 2021
LsvrVebv9JQ
Henry Golding was Excited to Play 'Period F--kboy' Mr. Elliot in 'Persuasion'
May 16, 2021
Am1ARO1JLGk
Anthony Mackie Talks Sebastian Stan's Shocking Tommy Lee Transformation
May 16, 2021
D4EdN5RHEMg
Ariana Grande & Dalton Gomez Get Married in Secret! | E! News
May 17, 2021
_EnogR2WMgA
Kylie Jenner Files Trademarks for New Business: Kylie Swim | E! News
May 17, 2021
VllaFO310Sw
Courtney Love Slams "Pam & Tommy" Miniseries & Lily James | Daily Pop | E! News
May 17, 2021
BZ_0nGrvGEY
Sylvester Stallone Visits Michelangelo's Pieta in Vatican City | TMZ TV
May 17, 2021
7yh3KqbGcWc
Saweetie Aims to Educate Against Asian Hate at AAPI Heritage Month Event | TMZ
May 17, 2021
cFOpQPAWaB4
John Mulaney and Oliva Munn Reportedly Together and Dating | TMZ TV
May 17, 2021
m43Im4R80_w
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
19
Nov
ASIAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group H
Sydney FC - Shanghai SIPG
17
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Spain - Germany
14
Nov
UEFA NATIONS LEAGUE A: Group Stage
Germany - Ukraine
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Manchester City - Liverpool
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Arsenal - Aston Villa
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Valencia - Real Madrid
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
AC Milan - Verona
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
West Bromwich Albion - Tottenham Hotspur
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Bologna - Napoli
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Genoa - Roma
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Atalanta - Inter Milan
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Lazio - Juventus
08
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Bayer Leverkusen - Borussia Monchengladbach
08
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Leicester City - Wolves
08
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Wolfsburg - Hoffenheim
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Valladolid - Athletic Bilbao
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Levante - Alaves
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Sociedad - Granada CF
08
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Torino - Crotone
08
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Getafe - Villarreal
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund - Bayern Munich
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Everton - Manchester United
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Chelsea - Sheffield United
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Cadiz
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Barcelona - Real Betis
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Augsburg - Hertha Berlin
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Stuttgart - Eintracht Frankfurt
07
Nov
GERMANY: Bundesliga
RB Leipzig - SC Freiburg
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Rotherham - Preston NE
07
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Parma - Fiorentina
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Watford - Coventry
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Norwich City - Swansea City
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Blackburn - QPR
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Derby County - Barnsley
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Huddersfield - Luton
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Nottingham Forest - Wycombe Wanderers
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
West Ham United - Fulham
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Sheffield Wednesday - Millwall
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Brentford - Middlesbrough
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Championship
Birmingham - Bournemouth
07
Nov
SPAIN: La Liga
Sevilla - Osasuna
07
Nov
ITALY: Serie A
Benevento - Spezia
07
Nov
ENGLAND: Premier League
Crystal Palace - Leeds
04
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group G
Ferencvaros - Juventus
04
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group G
Barcelona - Dynamo K.
03
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group A
Salzburg - Bayern Munich
03
Nov
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Group stage, Group D
Atalanta - Liverpool
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.