"Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released a 300-page report, and it looks like the impeachment charges are gonna be abuse of power and bribery, obstruction of
Congress, and obstruction of justice,"
Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "And, based on his diet, let's throw in obstruction of his GI tract." On Wednesday, the House Judiciary Committee took over the impeachment inquiry, empaneling a group of four constitutional law scholars. He gave a quick gist of the hearing."Before the Intelligence Committee released their report, the GOP issued their own prebuttal, in which they concluded that Trump was acting on 'genuine and reasonable' skepticism of
Ukraine," Colbert said. "Yes, because the two words everyone uses to describe
Donald Trump are 'genuine' and 'reasonable,' right after 'athletic' and 'monogamous.'""Before their investigation ended, the Intelligence Committee had one final bombshell," Colbert said. "Their investigators have obtained phone records from Trump's personal attorney
Rudy Giuliani," and they suggest he was "crimeing it up with everybody, including the president," as indicted by a number of calls from a phone number identified as -1.
At The
Tonight Show,
Jimmy Fallon recapped the House Judiciary Committee hearing in character as Trump — and also
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson. "All the committee did today was throw around big words without telling you what they mean — or at least what I want them to mean," Fallon's Trump said. "Let me just explain to you the most important word in the hearings, and my least-favorite Harry Potter spell: Quid pro quo. Let's break it down: Quid, as in quid asking me about it; pro, as in it's pro-bably nothing; and quo, as in 'Don't quote me on this, but if you give us dirt on
Joe Biden, we will give you $400 million."Then Fallon's Trump showed an actual answer from one of the law professors: "Oh, I'm going to cyberbully that nerd so hard. Watch out, Professor Plum. Because it's going to be Donald Trump in the bathroom with the Twitter." Watch below.