Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!“It’s YOUR turn to move the Shelf on The Elf,” and other things overtired couples argue about at 11 p.m.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets 🎄🤶🏻🎅🏼⛄️ (@gfishandnuggets) December 2, 2019Sometimes I like to live dangerously by putting ketchup on my kid’s dinner plate without asking where they would like it first— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 1, 2019It’s really rude that potty training a strong-willed 3yo doesn’t count as cardio.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 3, 2019Think you are chill and laid back? Watch your kid build and decorate a gingerbread house without intervening.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2019If you'd like to answer the question, "What's that???" a hundred thousand times a day, then having a toddler might be for you.— Ohio mom of two (@OhioMomoftwo) December 3, 2019Please respect our privacy at this difficult time while we deal with our toddler who has just entered the “why?” phase.— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) December 4, 2019An advent calendar for dads but it’s just a pair of cargo shorts and each pocket contains a random cable from some electronic that came out in the 90s.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 1, 2019I sure tell my family, "Don't blame me, I dont make the rules" a lot for someone that makes literally every single rule in this house.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 4, 2019My toddler has now chewed up and spit out five "grapes" because he's never heard of an olive and won't listen to reason.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 6, 2019cashier: how old are your kids?me: two, four, six, eightcashier: *laughing* who do we appreciateme: alcohol! *points to cart*cashier: but damn... me: yeah— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) December 3, 2019Parenting 101 when your kids are sick:1.) Kids have common cold. 2.) Kids sneeze on you as you care for them. 3.) Three days later, kids are better but you and your spouse now have Ebola.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 2, 2019My toddler would like for everyone to know that she is NOT tired. Her eyes just keep making her face fall asleep.— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 30, 2019Kids: Mom, we need toothpaste! Me: Cool, you can add it to your
Christmas lists. Me, every time my kids ask for anything in the month of December.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 3, 2019I’ve done nothing in life that matters to my daughter because I haven’t been in one of the 10000 scooby doo movies— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 3, 2019Yesterday:My 4yo and me built a Frozen gingerbread house, painted pictures, played 2 games, went to the park, played house, cooked dinner together and then watched a movie.What she tells her teacher we did yesterday:"I picked up a dead bug and mommy yelled at me."— 🎄 Stay at Homies 🎄 (@stayathomies) December 3, 2019Sorry I’m late. I had to pick all the marshmallows out of my kid’s Lucky Charms.— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 3, 2019Me: do you want apple sauce or a granola bar for dessert? 2: yes. Me: *impressed* alright, alright.— Mummy Claus🎅🏻🇨🇦 (@ThatMummyLife) December 3, 2019Me: Good job getting an A on your test10yo: Thanks, I guessed at most of the answers— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 4, 2019Me: You have to eat fruit 3: I can’t reach it Me: Well we tried, come share these M&M’s with me I guess.— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 4, 2019My son has told our
Google Mini that it’s his birthday 12 times in a row so it can keep singing “Happy Birthday” to him.It’s not his birthday, & technology doesn’t always make life easier.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 5, 2019I forgot to thaw the beef roast so it looks like we are having hot dogs and disappointment for dinner.— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) December 4, 2019Parenthood: When the sound of uncontrollable sobbing during dinner isn't only your own.— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 6, 2019