Today’s fluff is merely a serving suggestion
Following the appalling travesty of having a goal given against them last weekend,
Liverpool have moved quickly to avenge. Ever since Jordon Ibe left for Bournemouth, Anfield has lacked a winger with his precise qualities: name beginning with J; unusual spelling; “on” ending. As such, they will nause up
Manchester United by signing Jadon Sancho from Borussia Dortmund.
United, meanwhile, are keen to solve their goalscoring crisis by buying Mario Mandzukic. The 67-year-old striker is not deemed good enough for Juventus’
Champions League squad, but after studying 8,034,612 different options, the club’s scouts have concluded that he is the only one desperate enough to sign for them. “Yet another triumph for Ed Woodward,” Ed Woodward will doubtless recommend is written about Ed Woodward.