At the beginning of this week,
Boris Johnson posted a tweet aimed at setting the tone for this year’s Tory conference. It was full of purpose, enthusiasm and even contained some jolly emojis:Let's. 👏 Get. 👏 Brexit. 👏 Done. So we can invest in the NHS, schools and police.And build a fantastic future for this country.#GetBrexitDone#CPC19pic.twitter.com/YisunbUkie— Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) September 30, 2019So it must have come as a crushing disappointment to the prime minister, that so far, his conference has exhibited similar levels of life, joy and enthusiasm to atmosphere to
Christmas at the Clinton household in 2016.1) Andrea LeadsomTake the speech of business secretary Andrea Leadsom for example.
When writing her script, the line “He has the personality and the pizzazz to get
Brexit over the line, doesn’t he?” was probably followed by a “and pause, wait for ecstatic response to subside”.
But in reality it was “omg you’re going to have to answer your own rhetorical question, these guys look they’ve just been asked to explain the
Irish backstop to dead puppy”.Conference hall is bursting with enthusiasm this afternoon🥳 pic.twitter.com/vRSZra5hiY— Daniel Kraemer (@dcakraemer) September 30, 20192) Esther McVeyEsther McVey had exactly the opposite problem – rather than struggling to fill gaps, she couldn’t say enough. Only what she said was erm... baffling.
The Minister for Housing and Planning, and her job is very important context for what comes next, was discussing how new technologies have the potential to draw more people into construction.
She said: “We’ve got to get more people going into construction full stop.”
Then it got weird: “But if we have this new way of doing it – 3D architects, 3D visionaries – doing it with it on a computer... there’s a whole new raft of jobs.”Confirmation. We are governed by idiots. pic.twitter.com/ReBlj3ZrH3— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 30, 2019So yes, just to confirm that is the your very own Minister for Housing and Planning appearing to suggest that designing and constructing buildings in three dimensions is a revolutionary new concept.EXCLUSIVE : Leaked pictures of the architectural designs for Esther McVey's new home. pic.twitter.com/cABTlxIVWw— Simon Constantine (@siconstantine) September 30, 20193) Liz TrussLiz Truss has already achieved Tory conference infamy after a majestically bad speech in 2014 about the dangers of imported cheese (more on this later).
There’s nothing particularly wrong with the words of the Minister of International Trade, it’s just her bizarre delivery – like a child in front of their class ranking their favourite sweets.Liz Truss closes her Tory Conference speech today with the punchy line: “That’s my job as trade Secretary, selling Britain. And believe me, people are buying”Cut to Eric Pickles, a Conservative himself, clearly not buying this speech at least.#CPC19pic.twitter.com/h4YqcNvhSa— Dr. Jennifer Cassidy (@OxfordDiplomat) September 29, 2019And as a reward for getting this far, here is The Room Next Door Man’s version of her cheese speech. Enjoy.the room next door from 2014 - Liz Truss pic.twitter.com/9b6W46Vbvo— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) August 2, 20194) Dominic RaabAnother Tory with clear notes on when to milk those pauses, Dominic Raab knew a dig at the Lib Dems would go down a treat with his fellow members.
And it did."History would never forgive you"Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab warns MPs against forming an "anti-#Brexit coalition", and criticises the Lib Dems for attempting to “cancel a referendum” https://t.co/OCyZO8lmWy#CPC19pic.twitter.com/4aDPDarBkt—
BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) September 29, 2019Only, it was ruined slightly by making this face as someone in crowd, like a bad heckler at a pub
comedy night, shouted: “LIBERAL WHAT?”
5) Julia GillardWhile much of the talk from the stage was about the benefits of Brexit, outside the halls, Australia’s former PM was basically calling the whole thing tosh.
In an interview with Sky News’ Kay Burley, Julia Gillard laid out quite clearly what priority a post-Brexit
Britain could expect in any trade deals.
She said: “The
United Kingdom is not in the absolute top-tier of our current trading relationships, obviously
China is, the US is.
“We are as a nation negotiating a free trade agreement with the
European Union so those discussions are under way.”At #CPC19, @KayBurley just asked Former
Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard about the prospect of a post-Brexit deal with Australia...Listen for yourself... That sounds to me like "Sure, but... Back of the **** queue!" pic.twitter.com/QOYQs8pfLp— Femi (@Femi_Sorry) September 30, 2019Ouch.
And to finish...The other sideIt wasn’t just the Tories who were having their cringeworthy moments – this anti-Brexit protest consisting of a man who doesn’t quite know if he can play guitar or not and the Incredible Hulk’s gran was quite something too.Loving the extent of the Remain protest outside #CPC19. Literally two people. 😂 pic.twitter.com/ScmyzgjqtM— Tom Harwood (@tomhfh) September 29, 2019But it’s not been all doom, gloom and awkward silences longer than a post-Brexit lorry queue in Dover – we end with this rather lovely clip of Sajid David talking about his mum."She watched the first Asians moving into Coronation Street... now she’s watched the first Asians move into Downing Street”Chancellor Sajid Javid welcomes his mum to the Tory conference, adding in Punjabi “did you ever think we'd be here?”#CPC19https://t.co/0BLTfLDJGSpic.twitter.com/pjG5UbGxVd— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) September 30, 2019Related... Tory MPs Are 'Pretend Socialists' Picked Due To Gender Or Race, Says Anti-Feminist Philip Davies
Labour MPs Tell
Jeremy Corbyn To Put Brexit Referendum Before Snap Election