As
Prince Harry prepares to launch a new mental health-focused TV series with
Oprah Winfrey, we’ve been reminded of the time he spoke candidly about seeking help for his grief.
The
Duke of Sussex has revealed his new TV programme will tell stories of “human spirit fighting back from the darkest places”.
He shared his own personal experience of this fight in 2017, when he told The Telegraph he’d sought counselling 20 years after the tragic death of his mother Princess Diana.
The Prince told journalist Bryony Gordon he had gone to see a counsellor after facing two years of “total chaos”. He’d spent two decades shying away from thinking and talking about his mum’s death.
“I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12, and therefore shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well,” he said at the time.Related... Prince Harry And Oprah Are Producing A Mental Health Documentary Grief is very individual to the person experiencing it. Counsellor and psychotherapist Nora Allali-Carling says bereaved clients will often ask her whether the feelings they’re having are normal. “All the feelings are normal,” she will reply – because no two people will experience grief in the same way.
The circumstances surrounding the death will always be different, so it can be hard to offer advice – but many people may feel the benefits of seeking extra support.When should you seek help?If your emotions are so intense that you’re in sudden bouts of tears and feeling very low, this is a sign you need help. For adults in particular, it’s a feeling “like you can’t go on”, says Allali-Carling.
That might mean struggling with work, struggling with your children, or struggling with your daily routine. “The moment it’s a struggle, that’s the time to look for additional support,” she says.
The timing of when you seek help is also very individual. In her experience, people who have lost a loved one in quite a traumatic and sudden death will tend to seek help very soon after the incident, to try and make sense of what’s happened – this is often the same with both adults and children. Although in some cases, like Prince Harry’s, it may take years.
If a death was gradual – for example, a loved one who was terminally ill or in hospice care – people tend to seek help later down the line, she says. However with children, it will still tend to be a lot sooner than adults.
But it’s important to note that there’s no right or wrong time to get support. If you’re feeling like you can’t go on – no matter how long ago the death was – it’s time to get help. Related... Five Years On, This Is How My Grief For My Brother Is Still Changing How do you access support?Access to support will often depend on where you live and what services are available, but Allali-Carling recommends your first port of call should be to speak to your GP, who can refer you for counselling.
You can also find bereavement support services in your area on the NHS website – simply type in your postcode to see what’s available. Local charities will be listed among the services, offering support free of charge. National charities, such as The Bereavement Trust and Cruse, have freephone helplines where you can speak to one of their trained volunteers.
If the person who passed away was staying in a hospice, there may be also be services attached to the hospice that can help you.
A lot of workplaces now have Employee Assistance Support (EAP) available, where you call up for an assessment and are able to get a set number of counselling sessions for free.
And, if you’re not getting anywhere and wouldn’t mind paying for help, you can find trusted counsellors and therapists online through sites like The Counselling Directory or BACP.
Some people might also find solace in joining online forums to speak to other people who are bereaved, or reading grief support advice online.
Allali-Carling says there are also many “fabulous children’s books which deal with death and the theme of death”. They can be great for adults as well, she adds. Here are her favourites, which she uses with clients:I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat ThomasMichael Rosen’s Sad BookWater Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Children by Doris StickneyBadger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley.Useful websites and helplines:Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@themix.org.ukRethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0300 5000 927 (open Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on www.rethink.org.Related... What’s Really Going On With
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