August 27, 2019
I stumbled through my youth, teens and twenties out of touch with the girl in the mirror.
My Facial Scar Taught Me The True Meaning Of Beauty
I found so much fault in the way that she looked. And the way that she looked back at me? It was cold. That girl was vulnerable, out of touch, and she truly believed, right down to her very core, that she was anything but beautiful.
Like many young women, I was programmed to self-loath; to believe I wasn’t enough. Standing in front of that mirror, I would find fault from my face to my thighs. And I believed, because the media shoved it down my throat, that beauty was specific, and something I would never have. 
Since being a young girl, I’ve stood in front of many mirrors with many different versions of myself looking back. And truth be told, the version I am now would have killed me back then. Since being a young girl, I’ve stood in front of many mirrors with many different versions of myself looking back. And truth be told, the version I am now would have killed me back then.Today, I stand in front of the mirror at my heaviest weight since having my babies. My hair has gone from long and luscious to short and blonde. My eyes, once bright, are dark and tired. There is a lot else that has changed – my stomach is no longer flat, my breasts are no longer perky. 
The most defining of these changes, however, is the new eight-inch scar that runs from the back of my ear and across my neck.
I was sitting in the doctor’s office, and  looking at an x-ray that shows I have a tumour around my facial nerves. The tumour is precancerous, and has to be removed with a surgery that my doctor anticipated would likely cause some form of paralysis to my face. 
Sat in that office, my beauty isn’t what I thought of – it was the idea of losing my ability to smile at my babies, or kiss my husband as we fell asleep. How I would look in the mirror, or to the public, or how I would fail to meet our regressive beauty standards were all so far from my front of mind. All that mattered in that moment was life. 
I thought about my boys learning to ride a two-wheel bicycle, or walking across a stage in cap and gown. Or my husband sitting on the porch that was supposed to be ours, eyes with wrinkles where once were dark circles and grey running through his hair. All the Christmases I wouldn’t be there for. The broken hearts. The weddings. The growing old. I wanted it all. At age 28, a scar like this would mean survival. With two babies under two, a husband I adored, and a spunky puppy dog I loved just the same, a scar was the best possible outcome. Despite all of that, the surgery itself terrified me. Laying on the operating table, the anaesthesiologist began to administer medication and I counted back from ten. Hours later, I awoke under bright lights. Sleepy and confused I heard my surgeon ask me to smile. I smiled and fell back to sleep. Little did I know at the time, my smile was a full, gleaming smiling. Walking away with only a partially shaved head, a giant scar and, most importantly, my life. 
Recovering from this surgery was long and painful. I returned home with a drain in my neck, which my husband got great joy from milking’ – yuck. The drain itself was uncomfortable but it became the apple of my young boys’ eyes and we did all we could to keep them from ripping it from my flesh. Then there was the pain from the incision and the recovery from anaesthesia.
After release from hospital, I aggressively vomited in the car causing my stitches to rip and bleed as my husband drove me home feeling helpless. Eventually, I found myself back in hospital with a painful infection. After two weeks and a round of antibiotics, I was finally able to have my drain and bandages removed, and proudly expose my scar.
I see my scar as a pivotal point in my life. You see, as you age and grow and live and experience, you learn what is truly beautiful in life. You learn that beauty lies beyond the mirror. Beauty isn’t thigh gaps, or flat tummies, or symmetrical faces. It’s none of that crap the media shoves down your throatMy friends, beauty isn’t thigh gaps, or flat tummies, or symmetrical faces. It’s none of that crap the media shoves down your throat. Beauty is stopping to smell the flowers. It’s waking up to a new day with the sun beaming brightly on your face. Beauty is being alive and being in love. Beauty comes from the inside and is shared with those around us. It’s being grateful for a new day and feeling your feet on the floor. Beauty is your story. It’s your people. It’s things like my eight-inch scar – and, thankfully, my smiling face. It’s signs that you’re alive and it’s giving someone else a sign of hope. 
The way you look – your scars, the bags under your eyes? It’s all just your story in physical form. 
Nearly a year later, I’m still working at loving myself and loving the girl in the mirror. I haven’t come to a place where I can say I’m 100% confident in ‘me’. But what I have learned is that beauty is what you make it and, for me, I’m really trying to make it about living, breathing, and experiencing my best life. 
So, the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, I want you to really look at yourself. And in that moment, let all that you are, all that you’ve lived, and all that you’ve survived shine through your scars. Bring to life the light that you have shining inside of you – because we all have that light. We’ve all been through something that has made us stronger. In allowing that light to shine, in being proud of all we are, we are experiencing the true essence of our beauty. 
Don’t let anyone tell you it’s perfect lips or perfect brows – because there’s nothing more beautiful than what’s authentic. And I wouldn’t have learned all of that without my scar.
Have a compelling personal story you want to tell? Find out what we’re looking for here, and pitch us on ukpersonal@huffpost.comMore from HuffPost UK Personal How My All-Black Wardrobe Helps Me Through Borderline Personality Disorder I Worry The Men I Date Will Google Me And Discover I’m A Rape Survivor This Is What It's Like To Come Out As Trans At Work
Related Stories
Latest News
Top news around the world
Academy Awards

‘Oppenheimer’ Reigns at Oscars With Seven Wins, Including Best Picture and Director

Get the latest news about the 2024 Oscars, including nominations, winners, predictions and red carpet fashion at 96th Academy Awards

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Millie Bobby Brown & Jake Bongiovi Celebrate “Three Years of Bliss” Ahead of Wedding
March 24, 2024
C4Ehegcq1-A
Kate Middleton & Prince William "Enormously Touched" by Public Support
March 24, 2024
s8fig-RCjFc
Gisele Bündchen Denies Cheating on Ex-Husband Tom Brady
March 23, 2024
_SpRMagA8BM
Eminem, 50 Cent & Snoop Dogg Present Dr. Dre with a Star on the Walk of Fame
March 19, 2024
4bNLs1hxVp8
Opening Remarks for the Variety Summit October 20th, 2023 Jay Penske
March 18, 2024
c6Z707iLq8E
'Everybody Was S----ing Their Pants': Nick Thune Jokes About Being Born in the '70s and Fatherhood
March 16, 2024
mm7Baf6o2d8
Gunna Says Tour Will Up Creativity in Rap, Endorses Flo Milli | TMZ
March 22, 2024
QfMU24fw-Qo
Reporter Taylor Lorenz Says Palace Botched Kate Cancer News Rollout | TMZ Live
March 22, 2024
o43ZucdiyEo
Riley Strain's Body Found After Going Missing in Nashville 2 Weeks Ago | TMZ NOW
March 22, 2024
1m1zM-4_Cs8
Kyle Richards hasn’t spoken to co-star Dorit Kemsley, denies sending her a ‘manipulative’ text
March 24, 2024
LqLZzDP1hm4
Jordan Emanuel on her connection to 'RHOSLC' star Meredith Marks, advice from Amanda Batula
March 24, 2024
5NPAwlOov1Y
Kate Middleton’s uncle Gary apologizes after slamming ‘fickle’ Meghan Markle in scathing interview
March 24, 2024
JWG9kitALZk
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
20
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
SK Brann W - Barcelona W
20
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Hacken W - PSG W
19
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
SL Benfica W - Lyon W
19
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Ajax W - Chelsea W
17
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Barcelona
17
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Manchester United - Liverpool
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Inter Milan - Napoli
17
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Brighton - Manchester City
17
Mar
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund - Eintracht Frankfurt
17
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Chelsea - Leicester City
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Roma - Sassuolo
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Verona - AC Milan
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Juventus - Genoa
16
Mar
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Darmstadt - Bayern Munich
16
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Manchester City - Newcastle United
16
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Fulham - Tottenham Hotspur
16
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Osasuna - Real Madrid
13
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Atletico Madrid - Inter Milan
12
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Barcelona - Napoli
12
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Arsenal - Porto
11
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Chelsea - Newcastle United
10
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Liverpool - Manchester City
10
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Madrid - Celta Vigo
10
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Aston Villa - Tottenham Hotspur
10
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Juventus - Atalanta
10
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Fiorentina - Roma
10
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
AC Milan - Empoli
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.