"Despite all evidence, Donald Trump does have a heart."
Late-night hosts across the dial teed off on President Donald Trump's physical exam on Tuesday. White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson, who conducted the exam, reported that he "found no reason whatsoever to think the president has any issues whatsoever with his thought processes" and that Trump had scored a perfect score on a cognitive test taken last Friday.
On The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert was shocked by the news that Trump’s heart exam was normal: “Despite all evidence, Donald Trump does have a heart.”
Focusing on the president’s height and weight, Colbert calculated Trump’s body mass index and concluded he was one pound shy of obesity. “That’s awfully convenient,” Colbert noted, before launching into his Trump impersonation. "Listen, Doc, I don’t want to be obese, but I feel like this wad of cash is about one pound. Why don't you take this off my hands and weigh me again, OK?"
On ABC, host Jimmy Kimmel similarly addressed Trump's weight. "How can he be in excellent health if, when he sneezes, gravy comes out?" Kimmel asked.
Kimmel then cut to a mock-up of Dr. Jackson’s press conference in which an actor portraying Dr. Jackson said, “I can now confirm that Trump’s hair has taken over his brain.” A large hair-monster puppet then attacked the podium.
Over on Comedy Central, Daily Show host Trevor Noah was curious if Dr. Jackson had “tested for racism.”
Noting that, according to Dr. Jackson, Trump is “completely sane,” Noah said, “That makes me more worried because that means he’s doing all this shit on purpose. You ‘covfefe’ in your normal mind?”
Over on Conan, the TBS host noted the physical in his opening monologue. "President Trump’s doctor predicted that the president will live a long life," said Conan O'Brien. “As a result, the doctor is now treating Melania Trump for depression.”