April 16, 2021

Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers mirthfully audit Matt Gaetzs Venmo receipts
One in five Americans still say they won't get the COVID-19 vaccine, despite the willingness by Americans to put all manner of junk in their bodies and eagerness to take anything offered freely, Jimmy Kimmel sighed on Thursday's Kimmel Live. Dr. Anthony Fauci "must be beating his head against the wall. Dr. Fauci appeared today before a congressional subcommittee on COVID-19 and was forced to endure the relentless stupidity of a shaved ape from Ohio named Jim Jordan," who screamed that Americans' liberties have been assaulted by public health measures. "Yeah, you know who else was assaulted? Those wrestlers when you were their coach at Ohio State," Kimmel said. "I guess that you didn't notice." "Meanwhile, there are new details in the sordid saga of future former Florida congressman Matt Gaetz," Kimmel said. "Yesterday we learned that Gaetz was involved in more wild house parties than Kid 'n Play in the '90s. Reportedly, there were drugs and sex at these parties, where Women were given gifts and money in exchange for their 'participation,' much of it paid through Venmo." Accused ringleader Joel Greenberg made at least 150 payments to young women, including at least 16 to a future Gaetz girlfriend, Kimmel said, "and of course we know about all of this because stupid Joel Greenberg made his Venmo transactions public, as did Matt Gaetz — they didn't check the privacy box. What's the opposite of a criminal mastermind? "
"Gaetz faces an intensifying investigation in which authorities seized his phone last winter," Seth Meyers said at Late Night, and "I'm no lawyer, but it can't be good when they seize your phone. No one's happy to have their phone seized," even if it's just your wife, he joked. "Chances are pretty high that if you've broken the law, there's evidence of it on your phone, especially since Gaetz was reportedly using Cash App and Venmo to make payments to his indicted buddy." We're also learning more about those parties Gaetz, Greenberg, and their GOP Friends would allegedly hold, Meyers said. "You know, my grandmother used to say nothing good ever happens after midnight, and I'd say the same is true about anything that happens at a party in a gated community in suburban Orlando where they make you give up your phone."

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