The Onion

Queen Elizabeth Wouldn't Allow Prince William and Kate Middleton to Get Divorced, Here's Why
Elon Musk Mistook a ‘Blood Moon’ for Mars in New SpaceX Tweet
Trump announces 'hard-hitting' new sanctions against Iran
Former deputy prime minister John Prescott in hospital after stroke
Hannah Green holds her nerve and becomes major champion
Megan Rapinoe scores two penalty kicks as USA edges Spain to advance to World Cup quarterfinals
NASA wants astronauts to go back to the moon in 2024
Khloe Kardashian Shows Abs & Struts Into Girls’ Night With BFFs Malika and Khadijah After Shading Jordyn Woods
Trump: ‘2 weeks and big Deportation begins!’
Feliciano Lopez makes history as he beats Gilles Simon to win Queen’s as Ash Barty becomes world No. 1
Missing YouTuber Etika's belongings recovered on the Manhattan Bridge, police sources say
Beth Chapman from 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' is in a medically induced coma
England boss Phil Neville blasts Cameroon after VAR controversy at Women's World Cup
SpaceX is about to launch 152 dead people's remains into orbit aboard a Falcon Heavy rocket
Cardi B Shows Off Her Incredible Body In Rihanna’s Fenty Lingerie After Being Indicted - Sexy Pic
Is Jordyn Woods Getting Paid For The Season Finale of 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'?
Um, Nicki Minaj Just Called Miley Cyrus a "Perdue Chicken" and Reignited Their Feud
Hawaii skydiving plane crashes in Oahu, killing 11
‘Toy Story 4’ Buzzes To $38M Overseas Through Friday; Has Eyes On $110M+ Opening Weekend
Trump dismisses E. Jean Carroll rape allegation as 'fiction'
Sources: UConn expected to rejoin Big East
Predators trade All-Star D Subban to Devils
Which Kardashians Are Married and Which Are Still Single?
Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello teases steamy new duet
Convicted Tory MP Chris Davies loses seat after recall petition
Fernando Torres announces retirement after glittering 18-year career
Mark Field suspended as minister after grabbing climate protester by neck
James Corden Takes 'Crosswalk the Musical' to France with 'Les Misérables' and Parisians Don't Know What to Think: WATCH
Boris Johnson To Face Jeremy Hunt In Final Run-Off For Tory Leadership As Michael Gove Knocked Out
Rays to explore splitting home games between Tampa Bay and Montreal
Roy Moore to run again for US Senate seat in Alabama
Harry Potter: Wizards Unite is out now for iOS and Android in the US
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry officially exit joint charity with Kate Middleton and Prince William
Trump says 'Iran made a very big mistake' after drone downing
'Avengers: Endgame' Cinema Re-Release Will Add Deleted Scenes And 'Surprises'
Oil Surges as Trump Says Iran Made 'Big Mistake' Shooting Down US Drone
Frankie Dettori wins Gold Cup on Stradivarius for four-timer at Royal Ascot
Rihanna Shows Off Her Fabulous Curves In Pink Mini Dress & Rocks Box Braids At Fenty Pop-Up Party
Love Island: Arabella Chi Is The Latest Bombshell Entering The Villa
Iran claims to have shot down US spy drone
Nxivm sex cult leader Keith Raniere found guilty on all counts
Cassius's Philippe Zdar dies in fall from Paris building
Guardado scores 2 as Mexico beats Canada 3-1
Left-Wingers Pile On Chuck Todd For Calling Out Ocasio-Cortez
This Could Be the Most Earth-Like Exoplanet Discovered Yet
Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel mock Trump's 2020 campaign launch
Suspect arrested in soccer star Emiliano Sala’s fatal plane crash
Ta-Nehisi Coates Assails Mitch McConnell at Raucous Reparations Hearing
Memphis Grizzlies star Mike Conley traded to Utah Jazz
Mars has a brand new crater, and it sure is pretty
Khloe, Kourtney, Kim and Kylie React to Jordyn-Tristan Scandal: 'I Need the F--king Whole Truth!'
Tommy Lee praises wife Brittany Furlan's '100% natural body' on Instagram: See the bikini pic
Mats Hummels to rejoin Borussia Dortmund from Bayern for £34m
'Little Women: Atlanta' Star Ashley 'Minnie' Ross Busted for DUI
Hope Hicks arrives for closed-door interview with House panel
Joy Harjo Becomes The First Native American U.S. Poet Laureate
Bella Thorne Slams Whoopi Goldberg Over 'Sick' Response To Nude Photos Hack
NASA reveals details of plans to put astronauts on the Moon by 2024
Trump launches re-election bid before jam-packed arena, vows to 'Keep America Great'
Ashley Benson & Cara Delevingne Are Dating!
Lauren Bushnell Is Engaged! All the Details on Her $80,000 Diamond Ring From Chris Lane
Max Landis Accused of Sexual and Psychological Abuse by 8 Women
U.S. defeat Guyana 4-0 in Gold Cup opener
Oxford University accepts £150m from US private equity boss
Calls for 195-year-old Vagrancy Act to be scrapped
NASA boss says 'no doubt' SpaceX explosion delays flight program
Tesla Model 3 goal not met, leaked documents suggest
Here's the tech behind Facebook's Libra cryptocurrency
Bella Hadid apologises for 'offensive' photo
‘YOU’RE DISGUSTING’: Kelly Ripa’s daughter walks in on her, husband having sex
Japan earthquake: Tsunamis expected 'imminently' in three coastal regions
Trump says Shanahan out of confirmation process to be defense secretary
Mohamed Morsy, ousted Egyptian president, dies in court
Gary Woodland has more than the US Open to celebrate
All The Celebrity Cameos In Taylor Swift's You Need To Calm Down Music Video
Gloria Vanderbilt: farewell fashion's innovative heiress
Harvard rescinds offer to Kyle Kashuv, pro-Second Amendment Parkland survivor, due to past remarks, he says
Lee Bowyer set to leave Charlton after failing to reach contract agreement
Taylor Swift Just Revealed All The Celebrities Who Will Appear In Her Upcoming Video
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Share Touching New Image of Baby Archie
Bella Thorne's Ex Mod Sun Breaks Down the Passport Situation
Usain Bolt Grinds On Hot IG Model Zahra Elise
Carli Lloyd scores double as USA sweep Chile aside to advance to last 16
Anti-LGBT protests have reawakened painful memories
Father's Day Fast Facts
Taylor Swift gives surprise Pride Month performance at Stonewall Inn, a historic LGBT site in New York
Trump says he was briefed on Navy sightings of UFOs
Jennifer Aniston on 'silver fox' co-star
OJ Simpson Has Joined Twitter
Romeo And Juliet Director Franco Zeffirelli Dies Aged 96
Man Utd eyeing shock swap deal for West Ham star Issa Diop: £45m plus player offer ready
Netflix’s Murder Mystery: Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston are a lot of fun
Kourtney Kardashian Says Kylie Jenner Has 'Entitlement' Issues
You're hired! Lord Sugar backs Boris Johnson despite Brexit jail demand
Washington Capitals trade Matt Niskanen to Philadelphia Flyers for Radko Gudas
Design leaks for Harriet Tubman $20 bill after Mnuchin announces delay
Happy Birthday Mr. President? Trump Turns 73, Gets Trolled on Twitter as #JohnMcCainDay Goes Viral
Trump Compares First Lady 'Melania T' to 'Jackie O'
Gulf of Oman tanker attacks: Everything you need to know
Jessica Biel not against vaccinations, just against bill
Amanda Knox's fiancé jokes latest Italy trip will be 'different'
Elizabeth Lederer, Prosecutor of Central Park Five, Resigns From Columbia Law
If you're trying to silence me through the Hatch Act, it's not going to work
First trailer for The Shining sequel Doctor Sleep nods to the original's most iconic moments
Donald Trump Boasts About Meeting The 'Prince Of Whales'
Jennifer Aniston says Ross and Rachel would still be together
Selena Gomez reveals what Bill Murray whispered to her during viral moment on Cannes Film Festival red carpet
Trump says he is sure Hong Kong, China will be able to work things out
Boris Johnson pledges new determination to leave EU by 31 October
Chris Froome out of Tour de France after suffering suspected broken leg
BBC defends Jo Brand after she says: 'Why bother with milkshake when you could get some battery acid?'
Khloe Kardashian apologizes to Tristan’s baby mama Jordan after cheating accusations
Jennifer Aniston Slays at Murder Mystery Premiere: All the Times She's Killed the Fashion Game
Lorraine Kelly And Esther McVey's Beef Steps Up Another Notch
The Frozen 2 Trailer Is Here And Things Don't Look Any Easier For Elsa
Jon Stewart lashes out at Congress over 9-11 victims fund
Animal Crossing Switch Delayed To March 2020
Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk's Relationship 'Changed' After A Star Is Born, Says Source
Rihanna Gets Candid About Marriage, Kids and Boyfriend Hassan Jameel
Kim Kardashian Shares First Photo of Baby Psalm
Earthquake in Cleveland, Ohio: United States Geological Survey confirmed a 4.0 magnitude quake
Billy Porter wore a gender-fluid uterus suit to the Tony Awards
Pilot Dies in Helicopter Crash Atop Manhattan Office Tower
People's Vote Supporter Sam Gyimah Pulls Out Of Tory Leadership Race
‘Planet Zoo’ Brings The Most Realistic Animals in Games to PC on Nov. 5
Trump attacks John Dean ahead of his congressional testimony on the Mueller report
Justin Bieber challenges Tom Cruise to fight
Tony Parker says he's retiring from NBA after 18 seasons
E3 2019 liveblog: all the news from Ubisoft, Square Enix and the PC Gaming Show
Meghan Markle Trooping the Colour Photos ,Hidden Outfit Details
Maduro Reopens Venezuelan Border With Colombia
The Latest: Nadal beats Thiem for 12th French Open title
Jordan Pickford saves the day as England beat Switzerland on penalties
Trump Tweets About Moon, Mars, the Internet Scratches Its Head
Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk tried to make it work for their daughter
Kim Kardashian Goes Braless While Getting Lunch With Khloe
Ferrari's Vettel: Still reasonable gap to Mercedes in Canadian GP
Justin Edinburgh, Leyton Orient manager, dies aged 49
Fourteen lions escape from Kruger park in South Africa
GSW owner's wife, Jay-Z chat led to threats
Bradley Cooper, Irina Shayk considering split?: 'It has nothing to do with Lady Gaga
Johanna Konta questions French Open organisers after semi-finals court switch
Granger Smith’s son died in drowning accident at home
Vans unveils Harry Potter sneaker collection
Rafael Nadal ousts Roger Federer in straight sets to reach French Open final
Yeezys: Thousands queue through night for Kanye West trainers
Sally Challen walks free as court rules out retrial for killing abusive husband
Jeff Bezos explains why he's trying to colonise the moon: 'We need to go to the moon to save the Earth'
NASA's Mars Helicopter Testing Enters Final Phase
Shakira appears before Spanish judge in tax fraud case
Sophie Turner slapped Conan O'Brien across the face while playing a drinking game on 'Conan': Watch
Amanda Anisimova shocks Halep to reach French Open semi-final
West Point Accident Kills Cadet and Injures 22 Others
Matthijs de Ligt transfer race down to TWO clubs after Man Utd make decision on defender
Google Stadia will reportedly get ‘Destiny 2’ and cross-platform saves
Ancient Siberia was home to previously unknown humans, say scientists
HBO’s ‘Chernobyl’ Is Now the Top-Ranked TV Show of All Time
Stephen Colbert Laughs at London Trolling Trump With Baby Blimp, Giant Lawn Penis
President Donald Trump attempts to explain his Meghan Markle 'nasty' comments
A first look at Amazon’s new delivery drone
CNN Poll: Rising share expect Trump to win in 2020
Pokemon Sword & Shield Nintendo Direct: Rewatch Stream, News Recap
Sheridan Smith: 'Dad would have been so proud'
Bette Midler likens tiff with Trump to WWII’s ‘Battle of the Bulge’
Abortion rights advocates criticize Biden over support for Hyde Amendment
Man Utd fans DEMAND Bruno Fernandes and Joao Felix signings - 'Would love them at United'
Black Mirror season five review: sweet, sadistic and hugely impressive
Cristiano Ronaldo rape allegation: lawsuit moved to federal court, says lawyer
Ex-Trump aide Hope Hicks agrees to give campaign documents to Congress
Kate Middleton attends Donald Trump state banquet in white lace dress
Roger Federer produces SUBLIME skill against Stan Wawrinka to send French Open crowd wild
Change UK loses six of its 11 MPs after dire EU elections result
Sturridge, Moreno to leave Liverpool this offseason
NASA captures stunning photo of the entire sky in X-ray
Miley Cyrus narrowly avoids man trying to force a kiss, grope her while she was with husband Liam Hemsworth
Kylie Jenner’s daughter Stormi hospitalized for allergic reaction
Apple accidentally reveals iPadOS ahead of WWDC keynote
Apple expected to close iTunes after 18 years
Paul Darrow, cult favourite in Blake's 7, dies aged 78
Donald Trump meets the Queen at start of UK state visit
Cricket World Cup: Buttler and Root tons in vain as Pakistan stun England
Corbyn accuses Trump of interfering in UK politics with Johnson comments
Marilyn Monroe Birth Anniversary: Interesting Facts About the Hollywood Icon
Jose Antonio Reyes dead at 35: Arsenal and Spain star killed in car accident
Serena Williams and top seed Osaka crash out of French Open
Liverpool win Champions League after Salah and Origi sink Tottenham
Eddie Hearn believes Deontay Wilder has already agreed to fight next
Andy Ruiz Jr springs historic upset of Anthony Joshua for unified heavyweight title
Miley Cyrus Drops Raunchy, Edgy Six-Track 'She Is Coming', First of Three Planned EPs This Year
Kim Kardashian Spends Day At San Quentin's Death Row to Visit Kevin Cooper
Arnav Gupta, Maryland man who set himself on fire near White House, has died
A historic win. The National Spelling Bee has not one, but 8 champions
Cardi B ditches clothes in ‘Press’ album art
Senior Labour Figure Pete Willsman Suspended For Alleging Anti-Semitism ‘Whipped Up’ By Israeli Embassy
The Real Reason Meghan and Harry Are Bringing Their Son to America
The New 'Death Stranding' Trailer Is Absolutely Wild, And Almost 9 Minutes Long
Moeen Ali: ICC Ranking, Career Info, Stats and Form Guide as on May 30
Young boy 'falls from rollercoaster' at Lightwater Valley theme park
'Out of sight': White House reportedly steers USS John McCain away from Trump
Jennifer Hudson Honors Aretha Franklin's Legacy at Pulitzer Prize Ceremony With 'Amazing Grace'