The Onion

Great British Bake Off's Steph And Her 'Boob Tarts' Have Officially Joined The Hall Of Fame Of Rudest Makes
Bad Toilet Hygiene Is A Bigger E.Coli Risk Than Undercooked Meat, Study Claims
RuPaul's Celebrity Drag Race Will See Famous Contestants Strut Their Stuff
Essex Police Launch Murder Investigation After 39 Bodies Found In Lorry Container
Jameela Jamil Reignites Caroline Flack Spat Over Controversial Surgery Show
Labour Will Back A Snap Election As Soon As EU Grants Brexit Delay, Corbyn Ally Says
Peter Andre Defends Decision To Join Michael Jackson Show, Thriller Live: 'It's All About The Music'
What’s Next For Brexit Now That Boris Johnson’s Timetable Has Been Scrapped?
Melbourne Press Club in crisis after three of its leadership team quit
Facebook isn't going to influence the next election – until it does | Alex Hern
Son of Pentagon chief works at company that bid for contract
Syria's Assad vows support for Kurds against Turkey assault
House Democrats’ Campaign Arm Directly Ties Its Moderate Members to Impeachment
Blackout Round 2? Californians brace for possible outage
Murder suspect whose case was catalyst for Hong Kong protests released
'We're an open wound': São Paulo's underground music scene
Artists quitting music business due to abuse and sexism, says union
South Africa’s Stick condemns ‘stupid’ spying and is wary of Wales’ kicking
Paralympic gold medalist Marieke Vervoort ends her life in Belgium
Michael Cheika linked with move to French Top 14 club Montpellier
David Beckham's MLS team unveil plans for $966m stadium in Miami
'I’m interested in a bunch of things': David Pocock moves on from Wallabies
Darren Weir's Melbourne Cup horse given electric shocks on race day, court documents allege
Football transfer rumours: Jadon Sancho to Liverpool from Dortmund?
Stephen Colbert grills John Lithgow's manic, wine-guzzling Rudy Giuliani about his pile of Ukraine woes
Peter Andre Defends Decision To Play Michael Jackson In The West End: 'It's All About The Music'
Pornhub Failed To Cooperate On Revenge Porn Investigation, Say Police
Leah Bracknell's Widower Describes 'Intense' Heartbreak In Emotional Tribute To Late Emmerdale Star
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Trailer Drops With Emotional Look At The Final Chapter
Paralympic Gold Medalist Marieke Vervoort Has Ended Her Life Through Euthanasia
Birth Diaries: 'I'm A Real Worrier – Here's How I Calmed My Nerves During Birth'
Boris Johnson's Brexit Timetable Scrapped - So What Happens Now?
'Yeah but no but': how the papers covered MPs' refusal to rush through Brexit deal
Melbourne Press Club in crisis after three of its leadership team quits
Softcore pornography magazines the Picture and People to close amid sale ban and falling circulation
People have a right to be suspicious of journalists’ self-advocacy, but press freedom is important | Tim Singleton Norton
Are Fox News and Donald Trump falling out of love? – podcast
Murder suspect walks free as Hong Kong, Taiwan authorities clash
Trump lynching remark 'unfortunate': Republican Senate leader
CA Reporter Fired After Damaging Cars At Sacramento Auto Show
China plans to replace Hong Kong leader Lam with 'interim' chief executive: FT
Joe Biden's Black Sheep Son Could Wreck His Presidential Run
Jon Stewart helps save Jimmy Kimmel's Brooklyn show after a devastating New Yorker rejection
Stephen Colbert weighs U.S. diplomat William Taylor's Ukraine testimony against Trump, finds it damning
Life in the 'hairy underground': the lost history of Soviet hippies
Finally, I've Found An Eye Makeup Remover That Actually Works
Inflammatory Bowel Diseases Are On The Rise – Why Is This Happening?
When My Grandad Died I Lost My Best Friend, But Found My Inner Strength
Unrest in Catalonia fuels China's accusations of Western 'hypocrisy'
Former Acting Attorney General: ‘Abuse of Power Is Not a Crime’
North Korea's Kim orders demolitions at South-built resort
Murder Suspect at Center of Hong Kong Unrest Released From Jail
NYC, California sue Postal Service over smuggled cigarettes
U.S. mulls leaving some troops in Syria to guard oil: Pentagon
Southern Niger reels after Nigeria closes borders
Johnson & Johnson CEO testified Baby Powder was safe 13 days before FDA bombshell
Six Chinese men imprisoned after outsourcing same hit job
Astros lose World Series opener to Nats after sordid week off the field
River Plate held by Boca Juniors but advance to Libertadores final
Lindsey Graham says he'll introduce Senate resolution against 'unconstitutional' impeachment inquiry
Rudy Giuliani Admits He ‘Did Sort of Look at’ Ukrainian Oligarch Dmitry Firtash for Info
Kim orders South's buildings at resort in North be destroyed
Mulvaney defends Trump and makes a new problematic comment
Iranian beauty queen pleads for asylum in the Philippines
The Latest: White House slams testimony as 'triple hearsay'
Canadian Court Rules against Transgender Activist Jessica Yaniv in Fight with Beauticians over Waxing
Classic Car Fraud Lands Missouri Man In Federal Prison
California governor wants investigation of high gas prices
Chinese state TV blacks out NBA season opener after threat of 'retribution'
Silicon Valley CEOs Appear to Have Chosen Their 2020 Candidate
How Hong Kong Protesters Show Which Businesses Are Friend or Foe
Russia, Turkey reach 'historic' deal on Syria border
Pelosi, Schiff Rebuke House Republicans after Censure Vote Fails
Malaysian prosecutor: Najib orchestrated graft like an 'emperor'
Hong Kong Police Already Have AI Tech That Can Recognize Faces
U.S. presidential hopeful Warren rallies with striking Chicago teachers
50 great tracks for October by Alicia Keys, DaBaby, Angel Olsen and more
World Series Game 1: Washington Nationals v Houston Astros – live!
Terminator: Dark Fate review – Arnie's back, and it's never going to stop
Aacta awards 2019: The Nightingale and its star Damon Herriman lead nominations
Anorexia Rates Among Pre-Teens Have Doubled In A Decade – Why?
Charges: Church shooting suspect badly beats public defender
Turkey-U.S. Sparring Escalates as Bank Spurns NY Court
Seattle Public Schools Want to Teach Social Justice in Math Class. That Hurts Minorities
Transgender Cyclist Wins Female Cycling World Championship, Claims Only Objections Come from ‘Losers’
DOJ distances itself from Giuliani
Talks stalled, striking Chicago teachers plan to up the ante
Diplomat's testimony supercharges Trump impeachment probe
Supreme Court tosses challenge to Republican-drawn Michigan electoral maps
Russia, Turkey seal power in northeast Syria with new accord
Warren Steps Into Repo Turmoil, Asks Mnuchin for Answers
Democrats' 2020 race has a new shadow: Hillary Clinton
England can beat All Blacks, says confident Anthony Watson
Son seems to melt away Spurs’ woes, but hapless Red Star no bellwether | Barney Ronay
Sterling hat-trick helps 10-man Manchester City thrash Atalanta 5-1
Sol Campbell appointed Southend United manager
Talking Horses: BHA suffers blow as intelligence manager adds to exits
Eddie Jones makes spying claim and turns up World Cup heat on All Blacks
The It List: Gorge yourself on Alfred Hitchcock, 'Great Pumpkin,' 'It' innards and the best in pop culture the week of October 21, 2019
Donald Tusk Backs Brexit Delay As MPs Scrap Johnson Timetable
Bake Off: Gateau St. Honoré Recipe Inspired By The Semi-Final
For Syrian Kurds, a leader's killing deepens sense of U.S. betrayal
Trump administration says Obamacare plan premiums to fall
Correction: Crane Demolition story
Catholics in Haiti demand president step down
Thais, Frenchman could face firing squad in Bali drug cases
Shamima Begum appeals against loss of British citizenship but Home Office suggests plight is her 'own fault'
Trump compares impeachment inquiry to 'lynching' in explosive rant, as key witness gives 'damning' testimony to Congress
Wildfires threaten southern California homes, prompt evacuations
The lost river: Mexicans fight for mighty waterway taken by the US
Wales must be ready for blowtorch speed of South Africa, says Edwards
We won’t get lucky again: Jürgen Klopp warns Liverpool on away form
Chelsea have ‘long way to go’ to match Ajax’s academy success, says Lampard
What Netflix's biggest reveal tells us about what works and what doesn't
'I'm in charge of the Hatch Act': Trump lashes out at chief of staff over potential ethics violations, report says
Atatiana Jefferson Funeral Set for Thursday After Judge Ends Family Dispute
Shark tears woman's hands off in Polynesian paradise island attack
US far-right activists get four years in jail for attacking leftists
Fears Are Growing Among Mainland Chinese Living in Hong Kong
Tottenham v Red Star Belgrade: Champions League Group B – live!
Manchester City v Atalanta: Champions League Group C – live!
‘We don’t have to bowl a super over’: All Blacks braced for World Cup repeat | Andy Bull
US senator Rick Scott says 2022 Winter Olympics should not be held in China
Presidential hopeful Warren rallies with Chicago teachers as strike enters fourth day
U.S. EPA set to release fuel economy revisions by year-end
General: Georgia soldiers died when vehicle fell from bridge
Mark Levin: ‘Hasn’t Even Been a Hint of Scandal’ in Trump’s Presidency
In Syria hospital, Kurdish fighters determined despite burns
Pedestrian fatalities on U.S. roads hit almost 30-year high
Blackouts possible again as fire danger looms in California
For War with Russia or China, World War II-Style Convoys Are Back in Style
Wales must be ready for ‘battle royale’ with South Africa, says Shaun Edwards
Who has the edge in the World Series? The Nationals-Astros positional breakdowns
The Fiver | Spending your school holidays locked away praying for Maurizio Ganz
Sam Kerr to move on from Australia but can W-League move on from her? | Samantha Lewis
Speed climber Aries Susanti Rahayu breaks world record – video
Kevin McCarthy and Tim Scott distance themselves from Trump's 'lynching' comparison. Lindsey Graham backs it
Felicity Huffman’s daughter takes subtle dig at college scandal with T-shirt
Football's Concussion Crisis Tells Us As Much About The Dangers Of Sport As It Does About The Society We Live In
UK queries Facebook decision to exempt political statements from fact-checking
Buttigieg, surging in Iowa, has a plan to win it all. Here it is
U.S. soldiers who fought alongside Kurds blast Trump's Syria retreat
Pelosi releases 'fact sheet' revealing how Trump ‘betrayed oath of office’
Croatia Gets Green Light to Join EU’s Visa-Free Schengen Zone
Connecticut College Students Charged With Violating State Law Prohibiting ‘Ridicule’ after Using Racial Slur
Thailand arrests German man for allegedly disposing of body
Netanyahu says cannot form Israel govt, allowing opponent to try
Steppe change: how Mongolian rock band the Hu conquered the world
Jane Fonda begins Greta Thunberg-inspired plan to 'get arrested every Friday’
Joy and pride stirred by Japan is real value of this Rugby World Cup | Andy Bull
Oscar De La Hoya accused of sexual assault in California lawsuit
Genk’s constant rebuilding work faces tough inspection by Liverpool | Tumaini Carayol
Liverpool's Salah passed fit but Matip and Alexander-Arnold to miss Genk trip
Ian Rush: 'It’s funny that I’m teaching kids now, as I used to hate coaches'
The most dangerous celebrity online is revealed
As Brexit Halloween Deadline Edges Closer, Remainers' Fears Over Leaving The EU Intensify: 'It's Only Hitting Me Now'
LGBTQ+ Charities Welcome Call For Doctors To Ask A Patient's Sexuality
Lebanon's Hezbollah under rare street pressure
Warren Steps Into Repo Market Turmoil, Asks Mnuchin for Answers
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange loses bid to delay hearing
AOC Says Her Bernie Sanders Endorsement Was ‘Authentic Decision’
Dallas orders curfew after tornado shreds homes; thousands without power
Japan braces for 2 more storms after deadly typhoon
Idlib front is main battle to end Syria war: Assad
Shark tears Frenchwoman's hands off in attack off Polynesian paradise island
The Terror Gap: U.S. Laws Let White Supremacists Operate Like ISIS
Turbulent indigos: glorious Joni Mitchell watercolours – in pictures
Eddie in Wonderland: Jones cuts a cartoon figure to perform an old script | Robert Kitson
We can gauge popularity of women’s football. Time to up the prize money | Suzanne Wrack
Xhaka rails against Evra’s criticism that Arsenal lack mentality for away games
Democrats swiftly rebuke Trump for comparing impeachment to 'a lynching'
John Clarke, ‘Days of Our Lives’ Star and Lifetime Achievement Emmy Winner, Dies at 88
Lord of the Rings Taps Game of Thrones Alum Joseph Mawle to Play Villain
We should feel sorry for Jared Leto. His Joker never had a chance
Jennifer Aniston’s daily schedule: a 16-hour fast – and celery juice as a treat
Manchester Arena Terror Attack: Government Launches Public Inquiry
Ex-EastEnders Star Katie Jarvis Left 'Hurt' And 'Ashamed' After Tabloid Job-Shaming Of Security Guard Role
After The Manchester Bombing, It's Time To Bring In Martyn's Law To Prevent Future Attacks
Why Aren't Girls' Genitals Named In This Children's Book Title – But Boys' Are?
Now I'm A Parent, I Think Of Time In Minutes Not Hours
Deborah Orr was unflinchingly true to herself. Who among us can say that? | Suzanne Moore
‘This is oil country’: Newly painted Greta Thunberg mural defaced
UK police to travel to US in car crash probe
Presidential candidate Warren slated to join striking Chicago teachers at rally
Castro says he needs $800,000 in 10 days or campaign is over
Pompeo: Trump 'fully prepared' to take military action against Turkey if necessary, which would shatter NATO
Afghan official: Taliban storm checkpoint, kill 15 policemen
Trump viewed Ukraine as adversary, not ally, witnesses say
David Squires on … Manchester United v Liverpool and 'Lampard's Lambs'
The Spin | All hail the Nehru Cup, unloved but way ahead of its time
Conspiracy theories cast shadow over River Plate v Boca Juniors reunion | Jonathan Wilson
'Skin colour does not matter': Bongi Mbonambi on the new Springboks
Auckland fire: thousands evacuated as huge blaze takes hold in SkyCity
No1 overall pick Kyler Murray learning new ways to win in the NFL
Dan Biggar urges Wales to ‘change rest of our lives’ against South Africa
New CNN contributor Sean Duffy's Ukraine conspiracy theory was too much for host Alisyn Camerota
Superhero films are 'cynical exercise' to make profits for corporations – Ken Loach
The Rise of Skywalker trailer – five things we learned
Tony Blair: Brexit Has Become As Complicated As Rocket Science
Police Chief Urges Restraint As Officers Prepare To Interview Harry Dunn Death Suspect In US