The Onion

'It's not what you think': behind the star-studded life of a rock star's wife
John Prine: singer-songwriter critically ill with Covid-19 symptoms, family says
Sebastian Coe says delaying Olympics relieved 'mental turmoil' of athletes
John Krasinski launches YouTube show dedicated to good news, slips in Office mini-reunion with Steve Carell
Elephant review – Meghan Markle adds schmaltz to Disney yarn
Linda Lusardi Leaves Hospital As She Recovers From Coronavirus
‘Listen Up, Dips**ts’: US Mayor Rips People Ignoring Coronavirus Warnings
How I Cope: Counting Colours On My Daily Walk Keeps Anxiety At Bay
UK anti-fake news unit dealing with up to 10 false coronavirus articles a day
Jeanine Pirro responds to critics of appearance on Fox News show
Frederick Barclay threatens legal action as Ritz hotel is sold
Pelosi: Trump's downplaying of coronavirus has cost American lives
North Korea test fires missiles amid worries about outbreak
Kremlin Fights U.S. Sanctions, Backs Maduro in Rosneft Deal
Nearly a dozen Liberty University students report COVID-19 symptoms after returning to campus
Coronavirus-hit ship granted permission to pass through Panama Canal
Trump's salute to Vietnam veterans meets with thanks – and scorn
Trump boosts virus aid, tells governors to be 'appreciative'
Here's my mum with the news! Radio DJs on the switch to home-broadcasting
Alan Merrill Dies Of Coronavirus: ‘I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll’ Songwriter Was 69
Taiwan says US media expelled from China are welcome
Panama to allow virus-affected cruise ship to pass through canal
Australia government says growth rate of coronavirus infection slows
Serial killer dubbed Grim Sleeper dies in California prison
Passengers transferred from virus-stricken cruise ship off Panama
China's Wuhan, where the coronavirus emerged, begins to lift its lockdown
Joe Biden is the worst imaginable challenger to Trump right now
Off to the cafe: Sweden is outlier in virus restrictions
'Merkel is back': virus crisis boosts Germany's centre-right
Harry Kane says he will not stay at Spurs 'for the sake of it'
Police investigate after Jack Grealish pictured at traffic incident
ECB readies financial rescue plan but no cuts for Root and Stokes
Talking Horses: Richard Hannon counts blessings and plots way back for racing
Trump brags about his television ratings as pandemic intensifies
John Prine Reported in Critical Condition With Coronavirus Symptoms
David Schramm, Star on NBC’s ‘Wings,’ Dies at 73
Donald Trump Hits Out At Reports Harry And Meghan Have Moved To The US
A Cat In Belgium Tested Positive For Coronavirus, But You Shouldn't Panic
UK Coronavirus Lockdown Has No 'Fixed' Length, Warns Michael Gove
Nine Things You Need To Know About Coronavirus Today
Coronavirus Is Threatening LGBTQ Businesses. Here's Why It's Vital We Protect Them
Love On The Line: The New Rules Of Dating In A Lockdown
Can We Please Apply The Coronavirus Spirit To Austerity And Climate Change?
10 Classic Reality Shows We Need Back On Our Screens To Lift The Nation's Spirits
How To Colour Your Hair At Home And Mistakes To Avoid
How To Deal If Everyone's Coronavirus Anxiety Is Piling Onto Yours
9 Women Who Accused Alex Salmond Of Sexual Offences 'Devastated' By Not-Guilty Verdict
Eight Things You Need To Know About Coronavirus Today
Trump Says Cuomo’s Projections for New York Outbreak Are High
Iran extends prison furloughs as coronavirus death toll rises
Saudi forces intercept missile over curfew-locked Riyadh
Indian authorities send buses to take unemployed to villages
Plane catches fire at Manila airport, killing all 8 aboard
Coronavirus deaths fall again in Italy but lockdown extension looms
Enigmatic, devotional, restless … a guide to Krzysztof Penderecki's music
Henrik Stenson: 'I don't feel the rush to practise and play'
Sebastian Coe says delaying 2020 Games relieved 'mental turmoil' of athletes
Kely Nascimento-DeLuca: 'If there's a time to use Pelé's name it's for something like this'
Scrap the season if we cannot finish by end of June, says Harry Kane
Former Turkey goalkeeper Rustu Recber in hospital with coronavirus
White House task force official says 'no state, no metro area' will be spared from coronavirus
David Geffen Takes Instagram Private After Tone-Deaf Post About Self-Isolating on His Yacht
Cardi B Pledges to Start a GoFundMe for Joe Exotic From Netflix’s ‘Tiger King’
Mark Blum obituary
It Could Be Six Months Or Longer Before UK Returns To Normal, Says Deputy Chief Medical Officer
Amid our fear, we’re rediscovering utopian hopes of a connected world
Saudi Arabia expands lockdown as coronavirus death toll doubles
Detainees in US immigration jails living in fear as coronavirus spreads
Cuomo threatens to sue Rhode Island if it doesn't ease up on New Yorkers during coronavirus pandemic
Iran warns of lengthy 'new way of life' as virus deaths rise
Russia Claimed It Created a Coronavirus Cure, but It’s an American Malaria Drug
Biden could reportedly soon embrace 'key planks' of more progressive agenda
'He didn't even pretend to let us win'… Growing up with the world's biggest stars, by their children
Waxahatchee: Saint Cloud review – fierce and ambitious but hard to love
The moment Britain's first great grand prix driver saluted Adolf Hitler
Current football season could be lost, warns Uefa's Aleksander Ceferin
Home Park: NHS finds new ground with Plymouth to ease strain on services
Football quiz: guess the stadiums in these artistic images – part two
Xavi keen to manage Barcelona as long as dressing room is not 'toxic'
Emerald Fennell: the wickedly funny screen princess of darkness
Coronavirus: UK Death Toll Rises By 209 To 1,228
With parliament in recess, the press has a vital role in holding the government to account | Roy Greenslade
German health institute warns pandemic could overstretch system -paper
South Korea virus test-kit makers approved to export to US
Moscow says coronavirus outbreak enters new phase as residents go out to brave risk
Ex-Venezuelan spy chief Carvajal discussing surrender with U.S. authorities: sources
Turkey coronavirus deaths pass 100: health minister
4 passengers dead aboard cruise ship anchored off Panama coast
One Battle Boris Johnson Is Clearly Winning
Skepta x Chip x Young Adz: Insomnia review – languid tracks with chest-puffing attitude
Influential composer Krzysztof Penderecki dies aged 86
Mahler versus Slowthai! - what happened when our pop and classical critics traded jobs?
Eddie Hearn: 'I can't say I don't enjoy the limelight'
Anthony Yarde urges people to stay home after father dies of coronavirus
My favourite game: Argentina v Cameroon, 1990 World Cup
Last league standing: Belarusian football basks in new-found popularity
New York Knicks owner James Dolan tests positive for coronavirus
BHA putting plans in place for 1 May resumption of racing if permitted
'There are no viruses here': Belarus president plays ice hockey amid Covid-19 pandemic – video
David Beckham Vandalises Wife Victoria's Rubber Gloves With Penis Drawing, And Yes We're Bored Too David
Robbie Williams Reuniting With His Kids After Self-Isolating Is The Pick-Me-Up We All Need
Johnson’s War With Coronavirus Is No Joke Anymore
Wuhan slowly comes back to life after coronavirus lockdown
China guards against second wave of coronavirus coming from abroad
Violent Tornado Rips Through Arkansas Town, Injuries Reported
Exploding the myths behind K-pop
Sorry: 925 review – full of disruptive ideas
GB hockey captain Hollie Pearne-Webb: 'These things gel you, going through tougher times'
Scotland 3-2 Netherlands: World Cup 1978, first group stage — as it happened
'Choppy waters' await Navy as virus strikes aircraft carrier
Coronavirus Comes to the Kremlin
Abbott wins U.S. approval for test that can detect coronavirus in minutes
Coronavirus Ravages Europe, Spreads Across U.S.: Weekend Reads
Nigeria needs $330 million for coronavirus battle, turns to private sector
Ex-Sen. Tom Coburn, conservative political maverick, dies
Venezuelan ex-general surrenders to US on drug trafficking charges
Trump tells Hannity he doesn’t believe New York needs 30,000 ventilators to fight coronavirus
Billy Joe Saunders apologises for video giving 'advice' on hitting women
Juventus players waive four months' wages due to coronavirus outbreak
Sport awards 2008: OSM meets Mark Cavedish, this year's hero of the Tour de France who lost out in Beijing
Mark Zuckerberg, Priscilla Chan and Roberts Family Make Major Donations to Coronavirus Relief Efforts
‘It's a steep road ahead’: Sanders admits it's going to be tough to beat Biden but he won't stop trying
Italy's toll tops 10,000 despite long lockdown
'Off the charts': Virus hotspots grow in middle America
Rachel Cooke on criticism: ‘What is the point of a critic if not to tell the truth?’
I know what we shouldn't have done last summer: what Premier League clubs would change | Jonathan Wilson
Coe and Ovett's Olympic debt to bureaucrat who defied Thatcher | Andy Bull
Alastair Cook says cancelling County Championship may be best option
England captain Heather Knight signs up for NHS volunteer scheme
Man from Sidcup runs marathon in his garden
My favourite game: North Adelaide v Glenelg, 1987 SANFL grand final | Scott Heinrich
Why scientists think children may be less susceptible to severe coronavirus cases
Jameela Jamil Admits She Could Have Picked a Better Time to Come Out as Queer
'Disappointed' Grey's Anatomy Boss Assures Early Finale Will Be 'Satisfying'
Iconic Beatles Abbey Road Crossing Gets a Fresh Coat of Paint Thanks to Coronavirus
Country Star Joe Diffie Tests Positive for Coronavirus
Donald Trump Says Boris Johnson Pleaded: 'We Need Ventilators'
NHS To Send Coronavirus 'Check-In' Text To Those In Self Isolation
Coronavirus: Workers Unable To Use Annual Leave Can Carry It Over For Two Years
Keeping Coronavirus Deaths Under 20,000 Would Be 'Good Result', Says NHS Medical Director
Coronavirus Outbreak: UK Death Toll Rises By 260 To 1,019
New Yahoo News/YouGov coronavirus poll: 59 percent of Americans say Trump's Easter timeline is 'too soon' to restart economy
China sends medical aid to Pakistan to combat virus outbreak
Coronavirus response coordinator questions report that had predicted 2.2 million deaths in the U.S. from the pandemic
Dour Moscow mayor сomes to fore as 'PM for coronavirus'
Tokyo closes cherry blossom parks to slow spread of virus
Childish Gambino: 3.15.20 review – a deep-dive made for self-isolation
We Are the World for coronavirus: why charity single reboots are suspect
One to watch: Willaris K
Shaved eyebrows and isolation nudes: how rappers are surviving quarantine
Premier League players will be told to stop training amid doubts over restart
Conor McGregor calls on military to help enforce Ireland's coronavirus lockdown
Scotland v Netherlands: World Cup 1978, first group stage — live!
Coventry rugby club take legal advice as coronavirus insurance row escalates
My favourite game: Cardiff v Coventry at Cardiff Arms Park, 1972
No coronavirus financial support for struggling top women's teams, says FA
F1 considers two-day race weekends to help stalled season get to finish line
Eight West Ham players in self-isolation with mild coronavirus symptoms
From the archive: The Joy of Six — Great Grand National moments
Football clubs' good deeds go a long way but shutdown exposes financial faultlines | Paul Wilson
From the archive: Rob Smyth on why Euro 96 was overrated
'It's horrible': Halesowen halted with promotion and Wembley in sight
Nolberto Solano sorry after being detained for breaking Peru curfew
PFA threatens legal action after Perth Glory stand down A-League players
Coronavirus: athletes say Tokyo 2020 postponement is 'perfect decision' – video
YouTube ‘Stay Home #WithMe’ PSA Campaign Taps Emma Chamberlain, Dolan Twins, J Balvin, Venus Williams and More
Rapper Scarface on Living With Coronavirus: ‘I’m Scared to Death’
Streaming: country house murder mysteries
Volunteers Raise £160k To Feed NHS Workers Through The Coronavirus Crisis In Just Four Days
‘It Kills You’: AJ Pritchard Says It Was A ‘Relief’ To Quit Strictly Come Dancing
Joe Wicks Donates All Advertising Revenue From His Daily PE Lessons To The NHS
#EurovisionAgain Could Be The Cure For Your Lockdown Boredom
Clive Palmer buys huge ad to push plan to fund malaria drug as possible cure for Covid-19 | Weekly Beast
Japan's Abe vows unprecedented stimulus, Tokyo virus cases rise by daily record
Venezuela’s Dollar Lifeline at Risk From Anti-Virus Lockdown
Asia virus latest: People return to China epicentre, security talks off
South Korean coronavirus test kit makers win U.S. FDA pre-approval
Sorry, Life After Lockdown Won't Be Dramatically Different
Is It All A Dream? Why Coronavirus Makes Us Question Reality
Why Ventilators Are So Important In The Fight Against Coronavirus
How To Have The Best Staycation At Home This Weekend
Pope faces coronavirus 'tempest' alone in St Peter's Square
Citing virus, EPA has stopped enforcing environmental laws
Now That Canada Is Rationing Masks, Trudeau Faces Backlash for Donating Medical Supplies to China
South Korean test kit makers swamped as coronavirus cases explode in U.S., Europe
Why the US is leading the world in confirmed coronavirus cases
The big cruise ship lines were shut out of the $2.2 trillion coronavirus rescue
Trump Promises GOP Convention Will Be Held This August
Italy, Spain suffer record virus deaths as British PM tests positive
AP Sources: Alleged Maduro co-conspirator is in DEA custody
Russia confirms coronavirus case in Putin's administration, tightens curbs
What you need to know today about the virus outbreak
Mosques remain open in Pakistan despite virus threats
Trump tweets blame in all directions over ventilators for coronavirus, except at himself
Pedestrian bridge falls onto Detroit freeway after collision
U.S special envoy congratulates Afghan leaders on 'inclusive' team for Taliban talks
Shabaka and the Ancestors: We Are Sent Here By History review – shamanic lyricism
Katie Swan puts tennis aside to help coronavirus relief effort in Kansas
HBO Delays Production On ‘Succession’ & ‘Barry’ Amid Coronavirus Crisis, Writing May Continue
Taylor Swift sends fan $3,000 to pay rent amid coronavirus pandemic and more stories from this week