April 28, 2020
I was single for around two years, after BREAKING an engagement with my ex-boyfriend and I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone again. Not for a while.
In Lockdown, My Long-Distance Relationship Feels Longer Than Ever
And then Casey came along.
We first spoke on Hinge last September – she had changed her location to have a peek at what Women around the world were like. She came across my profile and sent me a message. The chances of finding the love of my life like this was impossible to imagine. With everyone in London who I see and meet, I never came across anyone like her. Looking at her photos, I instantly knew I liked her. She was a hot artist with amazing style. I was into it. And then I read the message.
“I live in Seattle, but just want to let you know, you seem really cool!”
Damn. Seattle. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who lived across the world, so I pulled myself away from the desire to communicate with her and continued as normal. 
Despite that we followed each other on Instagram, and one night I got drunk and slid in her DMs. The attraction was too strong.
We started messaging on WhatsApp, sending videos and voice notes. A few days later we set up a FaceTime date and started our relationship in November. We made sure we spoke every day, we confirmed we’re in a monogamous relationship despite distance and made plans to see each other.
I go to Vancouver regularly to see my grandad and so I moved my trip to January/February this year, so I could go see her in Seattle. We instantly held each other all my dreams came true. I felt warm and peaceful. I was where I was I meant to be. I spent two weeks with her, and I was besotted. She is the love of my life. When we left each, I cried my way through security at the airport and on the flight. I wanted to run off the plane and into her arms again, but I knew the reality of our situation. 
As I returned, there was talk of a virus impacting certain areas of the globe – and was now coming to the UK and America. But I didn’t realise the scope of it. Casey and I were meant to spend five days in Portugal this month before the virus got worse, our flights got cancelled, and my heart broke.
The distance now feels longer. Our ‘I miss you’ messages have a different tone – when we used to miss each other, we were excited to be together again. But now we yearned so deeply, everything hurts. We knew what we were getting ourselves into but in this crisis, suddenly the pain was doubled. Whenever I imagine what her lips felt like, I keep crying.
The biggest test of a relationship is if it can survive distance and loneliness. And we’re trying our best. There’s fear of mortality, uncertainty about when we’ll see each other and the overwhelming need to be touched.
I share my anxiety with Friends, but no one I know is in a similar situation. Some are single and feel for me, but are dealing with their own loneliness. Some are isolating with their significant others and I’ve seen appreciation, arguments and watched them fall back in love again. Those who are isolating away from their loved ones know they can run into their arms when this is over. 
Whereas, for us, it’ll be harder. I will most likely have to get a visa and save to book a flight. Any money I had saved to see her is now being spent on paying rent and bills while I struggle to find work. I think of the people around me who will see their loved ones before I do, and my heart breaks all over again.
And in the meantime, I’m scared for Casey. America is handling everything as bad as the UK, if not worse. Seattle was one of the first places hit by coronavirus, and it was hit badly. I found myself stressed about her situation, because I couldn’t protect her. 
I distract myself by staying healthy, discussing the need for reform, looking at political structures and whose voting habits have exacerbated this catastrophe. Because this isn’t just a moment in history, this crisis will change the world – and we don’t know if it will change for the good. Meanwhile in the back of my mind, I try to remember what Casey’s arms feel like around me and I pretend she’s holding me. If we’re watching the world burn, I want to at least burn in her arms.
There have definitely been moments of hurt and uncertainty, which has forced us to grow rapidly with each other. We make a point to show one another how important we are and it’s made us plan for our future. We aren’t in a relationship, we’re in a commitment that will last a lifetime. And I just have to remember this moment is but a small paragraph in our love story.
Sharan Dhaliwal is editor-in-chief of Burnt Roti. Follow her on Twitter at @peatreebojangle
Have a compelling personal story you want to tell? Find out what we’re looking for here, and pitch us on ukpersonal@huffpost.comMore from HuffPost UK Personal I Can’t Be The Only One Feeling Drained By Virtual Gatherings I’ve Started Dating Someone While In Self-Isolation. Here’s How It's Going I Met My Flatmate Weeks Before She Nursed Me Through Coronavirus Symptoms
Related Stories
Latest News
Top news around the world
Academy Awards

‘Oppenheimer’ Reigns at Oscars With Seven Wins, Including Best Picture and Director

Get the latest news about the 2024 Oscars, including nominations, winners, predictions and red carpet fashion at 96th Academy Awards

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Millie Bobby Brown & Jake Bongiovi Celebrate “Three Years of Bliss” Ahead of Wedding
March 24, 2024
C4Ehegcq1-A
Kate Middleton & Prince William "Enormously Touched" by Public Support
March 24, 2024
s8fig-RCjFc
Gisele Bündchen Denies Cheating on Ex-Husband Tom Brady
March 23, 2024
_SpRMagA8BM
Eminem, 50 Cent & Snoop Dogg Present Dr. Dre with a Star on the Walk of Fame
March 19, 2024
4bNLs1hxVp8
Opening Remarks for the Variety Summit October 20th, 2023 Jay Penske
March 18, 2024
c6Z707iLq8E
'Everybody Was S----ing Their Pants': Nick Thune Jokes About Being Born in the '70s and Fatherhood
March 16, 2024
mm7Baf6o2d8
Gunna Says Tour Will Up Creativity in Rap, Endorses Flo Milli | TMZ
March 22, 2024
QfMU24fw-Qo
Reporter Taylor Lorenz Says Palace Botched Kate Cancer News Rollout | TMZ Live
March 22, 2024
o43ZucdiyEo
Riley Strain's Body Found After Going Missing in Nashville 2 Weeks Ago | TMZ NOW
March 22, 2024
1m1zM-4_Cs8
Kyle Richards hasn’t spoken to co-star Dorit Kemsley, denies sending her a ‘manipulative’ text
March 24, 2024
LqLZzDP1hm4
Jordan Emanuel on her connection to 'RHOSLC' star Meredith Marks, advice from Amanda Batula
March 24, 2024
5NPAwlOov1Y
Kate Middleton’s uncle Gary apologizes after slamming ‘fickle’ Meghan Markle in scathing interview
March 24, 2024
JWG9kitALZk
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
20
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
SK Brann W - Barcelona W
20
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Hacken W - PSG W
19
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
SL Benfica W - Lyon W
19
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Ajax W - Chelsea W
17
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Barcelona
17
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Manchester United - Liverpool
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Inter Milan - Napoli
17
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Brighton - Manchester City
17
Mar
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund - Eintracht Frankfurt
17
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Chelsea - Leicester City
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Roma - Sassuolo
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Verona - AC Milan
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Juventus - Genoa
16
Mar
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Darmstadt - Bayern Munich
16
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Manchester City - Newcastle United
16
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Fulham - Tottenham Hotspur
16
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Osasuna - Real Madrid
13
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Atletico Madrid - Inter Milan
12
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Barcelona - Napoli
12
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Arsenal - Porto
11
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Chelsea - Newcastle United
10
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Liverpool - Manchester City
10
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Real Madrid - Celta Vigo
10
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Aston Villa - Tottenham Hotspur
10
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Juventus - Atalanta
10
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Fiorentina - Roma
10
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
AC Milan - Empoli
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.