November 19, 2019
There are two things that you need to know about me. 
My Mental Health Struggles Made Me A Better Dad
First, I suffer from a mental health disorder: anxiety. I inherited it from my Polish mother, Alice, who endured the horrors of World War II in freezing refugee camps. Unchecked, my anxiety has occasionally led to agitated depression. I have experienced the Dark Side and have spent much of my adulthood trying to manage a condition which can be very debilitating. Back in 2001, the illness went one step further when I attempted to take my own life
The second thing you need to know is that during the last 25 years I have enjoyed a wonderful career as a management trainer in the area of creativity and innovation. I’ve run programmes across the globe working with big companies such as Unilever, Philips, GlaxoSmithKline, HSBC and Tesco. I like to think I’ve always been fascinated by the process of learning.
My mental health disorder and occupation are two separate parts of my life, but they have something in common: they both played a small role in helping save the life of our daughter, Emily.
It was the autumn of 2012, at the end of a glorious summer when Great Britain had basked in a sea of Olympic gold. Emily, then just 16, came home one day and confessed she had developed an eating disorder. We just didn’t see it coming. And although we were not complacent and sought professional help very quickly, we weren’t at panic stations yet. We should have been. The unwelcome arrival of anorexia into our home meant that each and every day I was subjected to a full dose of depression.Anorexia nervosa is a mental illness with a mortality rate of 20%. It’s a real monster. And during a six-year period, our daughter would spend 12 months in three different eating disorder clinics; she self-harmed, threatened suicide, and suffered from severe depression. Her weight dropped catastrophically, and at her lowest point she had a tube inserted into her nose to give her the nutrition she needed to stay alive. Bizarrely enough, that was when my wife, Mel, and I felt greatest relief; our daughter had been spared. The icing on the cake was that anorexia, a ruthless enemy, also prevented her from completing either A-Levels or a university education.
As for my own health through all this, the bad news was that the unwelcome arrival of anorexia – or Ana as we ‘affectionately’ referred to her – into our home meant that each and every day I was subjected to a full dose of depression, which brought with it little joy in anything I did, furrowed brows always heavy with concern. I was not the most robust of individuals and although I had never experienced the same degree of mental suffering as I had done in 2001, I had never really been tested. I would be now. 
What I realised, though, was that own experience of mental ill health gave me a clear insight into what Emily was thinking, and the pain she was feeling inside. She no longer lived on Planet Rational and therefore did not respond well to sensible advice like “if you don’t eat enough food, your body and bones will become weaker” or “can’t you see that you are in danger of throwing your life away”. I know from experience that the brain of somebody suffering from serious mental ill health is broken. The neurotransmitters are not talking to one another. It doesn’t react or respond well to the rational or the logical. Emily was now living on Planet Irrational. What she wanted was to be listened to, empathised with, encouraged, nudged forwards, hugged and held tightly. She needed to be told time and time again that everything was going to be alright, that she was simply ‘in hibernation’, having a rest. And that when she emerged, she would be stronger, and life would be even better. 
I could speak Irrational fluently, because that’s the language we speak on the Dark Side. But there were also times that Emily responded well to an approach that was based on rational human behaviour and needs.In the world of education, we know individuals enjoy different styles of learning. For some, logical is their preferred learning style – reasoning, theory and numbers. For others, they learn best through a verbal learning approach, using words both in speech and writing. Emily responded best by using pictures and images (visual) and engaging in sound and music (aural). She was best able to express her emotions through poetry, paintings and song writing; and whenever I sat down with her and tried to help her visualise a picture of the future, we would use mood boards, post-it notes and lots of colourful pens. Asking her to digest a 300-page text book full of facts and figures would have been like asking a toddler to read and understand Shakespeare. That wasn’t going to happen. So, from time to time, we both met on Planet Rational, using a colourful language that she reacted well to. She could have been one of my better students. Always conscientious and diligent, always trying so very hard to imagine a life without Ana, always desperately looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. But her ‘evil sister’ was never far away.
In 2018, to our immense pride, Emily finally managed to win her battle against anorexia. She is now 23, and is living and thriving in London. I do not, for one minute, take credit for her recovery. My wife, our family and friends, and an entire army of medical professionals all played a critical role. And most importantly, it was only the moment Emily herself decided she was ready to recover when she was finally able to kick the illness into the long grass. How you cope with the bad stuff and the attitude you adopt when dealing with it – that’s what counts. 
However, it is fair to say that my experience of mental illness and my job as a trainer helped me converse more easily with her throughout this period. I felt able to switch between the languages of Rational and Irrational whenever the time was right. And as in all walks of life, if you adopt the right method of communication you will probably get the right results.
There were a couple of welcome silver linings for me as a father, too. Firstly, Emily’s experience showed me that from time to time life is going to throw some bad stuff your way. Illness, death in the family, money worries, friendship issues... the uncertainty of Brexit, the certainty of nothing. It’s how you cope with the bad stuff and the attitude you adopt when dealing with it – that’s what counts. And if you do that well both as a parent and as a father, then you will provide your children with a template that they can follow themselves. I think that’s a great gift to give them.
And the second silver lining was that helping Emily conquer her illness helped me overcome my own mental demons. I had also won my own little war of sorts, emerging stronger and more resilient as a result. 
Ana, for that – and that alone – I thank you personally.
Mark Simmonds is an author and management consulant. His first book, Breakdown and Repair, is available now. Follow him on Twitter at @mark_simmonds62.
Have a compelling personal story you want to tell? Find out what we’re looking for here, and pitch us on ukpersonal@huffpost.com
Useful websites and helplines:Beat, Adult Helpline: 0808 801 0677 and Youthline: 0808 801 0711 or email help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk (adults) fyp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk (youth support) Samaritans, open 24 hours a day, on 116 123Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393 More from HuffPost UK Personal What I've Learned About Toxic Masculinity As A Trans Man I Have Three Mental Health Diagnoses. This Is How I Live With Them. ‘It’s Only Because I Love You’ – This Is What It’s Like To Survive An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Related Stories
Latest News
Top news around the world
Academy Awards

‘Oppenheimer’ Reigns at Oscars With Seven Wins, Including Best Picture and Director

Get the latest news about the 2024 Oscars, including nominations, winners, predictions and red carpet fashion at 96th Academy Awards

Around the World

Celebrity News

> Latest News in Media

Watch It
Ruby Franke’s Husband REVEALS Alleged Rules He Had to Follow at Home | E! News
March 28, 2024
_mU-3lE2QwI
#KenanThompson speaks out following the #QuietonSet documentary. (🎥: Tamron Hall Show) #shorts
March 28, 2024
8AGP-Gfw_Ek
King Charles Shares "Great Sadness" at Missing Royal Appearance | E! News
March 28, 2024
lyizFqf1kQY
Martha Reeves Walk of Fame Ceremony
March 27, 2024
QzyezumEPtQ
Eminem, 50 Cent & Snoop Dogg Present Dr. Dre with a Star on the Walk of Fame
March 19, 2024
4bNLs1hxVp8
Opening Remarks for the Variety Summit October 20th, 2023 Jay Penske
March 18, 2024
c6Z707iLq8E
Montell Jordan Dishes On Young MC Wedding, 'This Is How Date Night' Plans | TMZ
March 28, 2024
G3SMExj-qio
Davina Potratz Says TV Not Helping 'Selling Sunset' Relationship Woes | TMZ
March 28, 2024
D4piy4GNm4k
Logan Paul Rips Graham Bensinger Over Documentary, You Promised Apple TV+ | TMZ Live
March 28, 2024
NiSDpZhZklQ
Prince William pinned royal medal to Spice Girl Mel B’s boobs #shorts
March 28, 2024
O1cQ0UW9pco
Jennifer Garner shares ‘hard’ part of raising her and Ben Affleck’s kids
March 28, 2024
3Q7mZaVUdgc
50 Cent's ex Daphne Joy named as an alleged sex worker in Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs lawsuit #shorts
March 28, 2024
yhLFI8DG9rM
TV Schedule
Late Night Show
Watch the latest shows of U.S. top comedians

Sports

Latest sport results, news, videos, interviews and comments
Latest Events
28
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
PSG W - Hacken W
28
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Barcelona W - SK Brann W
27
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Chelsea W - Ajax W
27
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Playoffs - Women
Lyon W - SL Benfica W
17
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Atletico Madrid - Barcelona
17
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Manchester United - Liverpool
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Inter Milan - Napoli
17
Mar
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Borussia Dortmund - Eintracht Frankfurt
17
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Chelsea - Leicester City
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Roma - Sassuolo
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Verona - AC Milan
17
Mar
ITALY: Serie A
Juventus - Genoa
16
Mar
GERMANY: Bundesliga
Darmstadt - Bayern Munich
16
Mar
ENGLAND: FA Cup
Manchester City - Newcastle United
16
Mar
ENGLAND: Premier League
Fulham - Tottenham Hotspur
16
Mar
SPAIN: La Liga
Osasuna - Real Madrid
13
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Atletico Madrid - Inter Milan
12
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Barcelona - Napoli
12
Mar
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: 1/8 Final
Arsenal - Porto
Find us on Instagram
at @feedimo to stay up to date with the latest.
Featured Video You Might Like
zWJ3MxW_HWA L1eLanNeZKg i1XRgbyUtOo -g9Qziqbif8 0vmRhiLHE2U JFCZUoa6MYE UfN5PCF5EUo 2PV55f3-UAg W3y9zuI_F64 -7qCxIccihU pQ9gcOoH9R8 g5MRDEXRk4k
Copyright © 2020 Feedimo. All Rights Reserved.