Paul O'Grady's beloved dog cuddled into the star's shoulder as his devoted husband tried to save him. Their home, nestled in the lovely Kent countryside, used to be filled with laughter. But now, it's quiet, with only the gentle ticking of clocks
BREAKING the silence. Andre Portasio is still adjusting to the big gap left by the passing of his dear husband Paul O'Grady. Just last week, he became emotional while sorting some of the TV star's clothes for donation to the Salvation Army. "Suddenly, you start remembering where we were, and what we were doing together," he shares. "It reminded me just how lucky I was to have had him in my life," he added to the the Mirror . READ MORE: Michelle Keegan reveals her 'cue to leave' while in Australia with Mark Wright Join our
WhatsApp Top Stories and Breaking News group by clicking this link Thursday (March 28) marks one year since Paul's sudden passing from cardiac arrhythmia at 67, ending his and Andre's 18-year love story. The event of that day is still so fresh in Andre's mind that he couldn't bear to stay in the same house and has headed to New Zealand. "I wanted to be as far away from it as possible in
New Zealand," he said. "I don't want to be anywhere near my kitchen where I found him, and be reminded of what happened." Touchingly though, he will carry Paul's passport with him on the trip. "It will feel like he's coming with me anyway, which is what he would have loved as he couldn't do long-haul flights as he got older," he said. "But he would have loved New Zealand, and on the day of my journey, I will remember him quietly in my own way." Andre has opened dup for the first time about his loss and sharing about their life together. "I really thought that when we got married it would be forever. I just didn't realise that forever would be so short-lived," he said. Andre hopes to honour his husband's impressive legacy and express sincere gratitude for the outpouring of love for Paul following his passing. But before then, he felt it was right to open up about the deeply personal events of that tragic night a year ago. "The day he died, we had the most ordinary day," Andre started. "I'd got up early and gone down to the fields as I was working in the woodland. Paul had come back from touring, so was a little bit tired and woke up really late. Usually, he would stagger down from the bedroom with his hair on end and moaning it was the beginning of the day. "He loved a good moan but he had a meeting with his producer, Malcolm Prince, about his radio show and he was looking very smart in a white shirt, and had a good aura. I'll never forget saying to him how handsome he looked, and him joking back saying f*** off! ". Paul died in March 2023 (Image: PA) After the afternoon's meeting, Paul would have usually walked their five dogs alone, but this time asked Andre along as he wanted to show him some new trees he had bought. Andre added: "He was on wonderful form and then we settled down in the living room and switched on the telly to catch up on Kent ITV News." "He always insisted on watching the presenter Sangeeta [Bhabra] he loved her and would never allow me to put the
BBC on. It was all about ITV. He left to get some tea, and I heard this loud bang. But because the house is big and old, I didn't think of anything at first." Andre noticed two of the dogs going into the kitchen then returning, and thought Paul must have gone to the cottage in the grounds of the house which they were renovating. "I walked to the kitchen to start putting some food on, and I started taking things out of the fridge," he said. "And all of a sudden, I could see him lying on the floor." Andre remembers being frozen with shock. "I just didn't know what to think at first," he recallsed "He had a cut on his forehead, and I thought he was probably just unconscious. "I called the ambulance and they said the best chance to keep him alive was to do CPR. "Andre tried desperately to save Paul's life. "I don't know how long it took for the ambulance to arrive, but by the end, I was exhausted," he says.When the crew arrived, they spent an hour trying to resuscitate him. He adds: "At one point, they were like 'yes, he's breathing. ' I thought the nightmare was gone, but it was very short-lived, and very shortly afterwards they pronounced him dead. Paul's widower Andre Portasio has spoken for the first time, one year on from the legendary TV star's death (Image: Andre Portasio) And there was one moment that evening which left a particularly poignant mark. "The saddest part of this all is that when all of this happened, and as I was trying to resuscitate him, I was trying to keep the dogs out of the room," he explains. "But somehow Paul's favourite dog, Arfur, escaped and he nuzzled his face as he always did on Paul's shoulder, as if to say 'wake up. ' It was just heartbreaking. Andre, however, takes solace too in his determination to celebrate Paul's legacy... starting with the treasure-trove of items above his head. "There is an amazing history of items in our loft that he kept over the years that no one ever got to see," he explained. Among them are his husband's famous Lily Savage dresses and wigs, as well as countless pieces of memorabilia. "I used to say to him that the Lily items were a slice of history but he was always very modest and called them a lot of tat," proud Andre laughs. "I think by the end he was very tired of having to put on all the make-up and all the practical aspects of becoming Lily although he never fully retired her and she kept making comebacks." After Paul's passing, Andre received many messages from across the
UK, including two heartfelt letters from
Queen Camilla. She had worked closely with Paul in their support of Battersea Dogs and Cats home. "Obviously, she's the Queen of
England, but for him she was just Camilla," he says. "You know, they could talk, and laugh, and just be normal with each other. I think probably that's what she loved about him so much, apart from him being so funny of course. I haven't replied to her super-sweet letters yet, as I wasn't sure how to go about it... do I write Dear Camilla or Your Majesty? " Andre laughed. Paul with Queen Camilla, then the Duchess of Cornwall, in February 2022 (Image: PA) "Maybe on the anniversary of his death I will finally write to her." Many celebrity
Friends have been supporting Andre, including actors Ian McKellen and Sheila Hancock, comedians Julian Clary and Brenda Gilhooly, Ronnie Wood's wife Sally and Barbara Windsor's widower Scott Mitchell. His and Paul's house manager Sean Baker has also been a great help. The novelist Jilly Cooper has also been showing Andre lots of love. "Jilly was Paul's Valentine, and the two of them would always write to each other," he says. "He would send her flowers, and she would send him cards. I wanted to keep it going, so this year I sent her flowers instead, and she wrote me back." But perhaps the most special correspondence was from everyday people whose lives Paul touched. They included a lady from his village who wrote to Andre describing how she'd once reached out to Paul for some money for the community hall. "She said how he instantly wrote the cheque no questions asked," Andre said. "I was so moved by her letter I went to knock on her house and thank her. But that's how he was... his door was always open, not only to his friends but everyone." Paul's beloved pet Arfur tried to 'wake him up' (Image: Battersea Dogs & Cats Home) Andre also wants to make sure people always remember Paul and keep doing the charity work Paul cared about. He asked the Mirror if they could give some money to Battersea Dogs Home in favour of their interview. "Paul was very protective of me during the 18 years we spent together but I'm ready for the next challenge, and my duty is to carry Paul's work on," he says. "I'm hoping this trip will also really give me a sense of looking forward and how I will move on, and the prospect of not being with him."